2010-08-28: Brink

Players:

Rashmi_icon.jpg Theo_icon.jpg

Summary: Rashmi chases Theo after an emotional outburst.

Date: August 28,2010. Note: This log immediately follows Emotions

Log Title: Brink

Rating: R


Xavier Mansion - Ramsey Dormitories Lobby

The lobby of Ramsey Dormitories has two elevators at one end of the wall along with the entrance to a cafeteria. On the wall are three pictures that say 'In memory of'. One is of Douglas Ramsey, another of John Proudstar and the last one is of Jean Grey. There are several couches and tables down here for students to relax. Large windows in the front and sides allow for a lot of light in the room.


Theo storms across the campus, not running, but walking as briskly as he can, toting his book under one arm. After the slighting remarks toward Heather, and the snubbing of Hilde, and outright yelling at Rashmi without a clear reason, he's done talking to people. The door to the lobby flings open from outside, and he starts making a bee line for the elevators, his power already pressing the button from a distance.

"Theo," Rashmi calls, edging through the Dorms door before it can shut all the way, slightly out of breath after the sprint required to catch up to the fuming boy. "I'm sorry for badgering you like that, okay? I was just worried about you, you know?"

The technopath whirls around. "I know? Rashmi, everybody thinks I just got beat up because I'm a wimp. They don't say it, but I can see it in their eyes. I can handle myself just fine, okay? I don't need to be babysat. Not by the X-men, not by the teachers, not by Tony, and not by you." His finger points as he speaks. He has little evidence even for himself for his conclusions, but he makes them no less.

Rashmi throws her hands up in frustration, stopping a few steps away from the wounded boy. "I don't care *why* you got beat up, Theo, I just care that you *got beat up,* okay?! Being concerned about you isn't *babysitting,* you know, it just means that someone *cares enough* to make sure you're all right!"

"Yeah, well maybe you shouldn't, okay?" Theo answers. "Maybe you should just leave me alone. I never did anything for you, you don't owe me anything," he spits back. "No one here owes me anything. And I'm not the kind of guy you should care about." He punches the elevator button several times, unhappy with how long it is taking to reach him.

"Yeah, well maybe you shouldn't, okay?" Theo answers. "Maybe you should just leave me alone. I never did anything for you, you don't owe me anything," he spits back. "No one here owes me anything. And I'm not the kind of guy you should care about." He punches the elevator button several times, unhappy with how long it is taking to reach him.

"Who the *hell* said I have to *owe* you anything, huh?" No longer indignant, now, by the look of Rashmi's face she seems more incredulous than anything. "When does *that* mean anything to friends? Which, by the way Theo, I don't know if you remember, but I *am* your friend. So forget what I *should* do, because I *am* going to care about you and I *am* going to worry about you, all right?"

Theo simmers in his expression, his stare not leaving Rashmi's. "Fine, thanks for caring. Now leave me alone." He turns around and faces the door. Still closed. Someone must be conveniently holding a conversation in the doorway to the elevator upstairs.

As Theo turns away, Rashmi slowly approaches, hands at her sides. "Theo… c'mon. Just sit down for a little bit, and tell me what happened, okay? I promise… I won't do anything but listen until you're done. I just…" The redhead sighs, shaking her head. "I was really glad, when I found out Mr. Stark gave you a job, you know? I thought to myself, 'Finally, somebody that really gets him… that'll do him a world of good.' And it seems like it as… So now I see you all beaten up, taking it out on everyone… I can't help it, you know? I worry."

"You wouldn't even understand," Theo answers. His voice is still frustrated, but quieter. "Have you ever had someone hold a gun to your head and tell you you were an abomination, that you were evil?" While Theo has never let himself be caught crying, he looks on the edge. The door to the elevator opens, but it's too late, he's not interested in entering anymore.

"…You know what? I haven't," Rashmi whispers, a hand lightly resting on the boy's shoulder. "I mean the Ahab thing, that's probably the closest, but I know it's not the same. C'mon… Sit with me, tell me about it? Even if I don't totally understand, Theo… I *do* care enough to try."

The dark mop of hair sinks forward against the wall by the elevator, and Theo stares at the floor for a moment. He takes a moment, composing himself, not turning back to Rashmi, and then walks away from her without a word, and sits on one of the couches, blinking a couple of times and taking a deep breath.

Rashmi follows Theo to the couch, lowering herself down in silence, folding her hands in her lap. For the moment, it seems, the redhead is done talking; the ball is in Theo's court, now.

It is almost a full minute before Theo opens his mouth again. "I grabbed some food on my way home, and I was just going out to my car." He places his unbroken hand on his knee. "I didn't even know that they were following me. I should've noticed them. They hit me with something on the back of the head, and they dragged me into a warehouse just next door." He grits his teeth. "They tried to shoot me, but I stopped the guns from firing. When they pulled the trigger, I thought that'd be my chance to get the gun away from one of them, but I couldn't."
Theo grabs the seat cushion and starts to wrench it. "I should've gotten that gun. I really thought I was going to die, but I wasn't very scared. I was furious, I was so angry at them that I couldn't even think enough to be afraid."

Rashmi rests a hand on the cushions, near Theo as he talks; giving him the option whether he wants physical contact or not, but leaving the option open, nodding slowly, a sort of disappointed anger rising in her face, behind the worry and concern. These people, the look says, tried to *kill my friend.* They should *know better.*

Theo looks at the hand, but doesn't take it. "And so," he says, restarting in a less concerned sounding pace. "They started to hit me with the guns. And they kept hitting me. I kept trying to get it away from them, and even got a hold of one of them at one point, but I couldn't get it away from him."
"One of them was hitting my head against something, going on with the standard racist bullshit about us being evil, and then something hit him and knocked him off of me. It was Caleb. He goes to Barnes, don't know if you know him," Theo adds, distracting from the main topic.

Rashmi nods slowly. "I do… I met him when Mike moved in. I'll remember to thank him for helping you," she says, as much to herself as her friend, the hand not offered in comfort clenching, knuckles turning pale at her mental image of Theo's experience.

"Worse has happened to me, Rashmi," Theo reveals, but he fails to go into detail on what exactly has happened, he keeps that to himself still. "But what hasn't happened before, is that I had the opportunity to exact revenge. When he fell, he dropped that gun, and I was on it like white on rice. The other guy ran like the little pussy that he was," he says with contempt. "But the first one. I didn't let him get away."

Rashmi blinks sharply, eyes widening as she turns to face Theo fully, head ducking to better look at the boy's eyes. "Theo," she says, slowly and carefully, "what did you do when you got the gun…?"

A single tear drops from Theo's right eye, and hits his shorts, and then he looks up to meet Rashmi's gaze. It's steady and unshaking. "I made him get on the ground," he says. "And I put the gun to the back of his head." He doesn't blink, and his voice doesn't shake. "I asked him whether he'd rather be right about mutants, or wrong. Because I could blow his brains across the floor, and prove him right, or I could spare him, and let him live knowing that he was wrong. He said he wanted to be wrong…"
"…I wanted him to be right. All last night, all I could dream about was pulling that trigger. But I didn't do it. I still want to pull that trigger. And the more I think about it, the more creatively painful ways I think of to kill him."

And here, Rashmi doesn't wait for permission, simply taking Theo's unbroken hand in both of her own, brought up as she presses her knuckles to her mouth, drawing in a deep, shuddery breath, dark eyes watering. "I'm *so glad* you didn't," she whispers, once she can trust her voice to do little more than shake. "…Why, Theo? Why did you want him to be right?"

"Because I wanted to kill him. I WANT to kill him. If he had said he wanted to be right, I would have happily granted his wish." Theo doesn't fight the grip. "There's something wrong with me. There's something very wrong with me."

"It's okay, Theo," Rashmi says softly. "It's okay… You *didn't* do it, though, and that means *everything.* It means he's wrong about mutants, and he's wrong about *you.* You're not evil, Theo… but you are very, very hurt. And when you're hurt, you want to make the hurt stop, the only way you know how." One hand releases Theo's opening her arm to offer the young boy a hug. "You don't have to be hurt, Theo… But the only way you can do that is to accept help, okay…?"

Theo doesn't take the hug, but instead pushes Rashmi away, and stands to his feet, pacing around the coffee table. "No! Rashmi, you don't understand!" His voice is angry again, but not at her. "The reason that I didn't shoot him wasn't because of his answer, and it wasn't because I couldn't bring myself to do it. The only reason that man is still breathing right now is because with Caleb there, I knew I couldn't get away with it. I knew I would be caught. That's the ONLY reason I didn't kill him! He wasn't wrong about me, Rashmi. I've been griped out more than once for hanging around the Friends of Humanity rallies. I wear shirts that are offensive about mutant superiority. And do you know why? Because I secretly hope that an opportunity presents itself that I could end up in a situation JUST LIKE the one I was in yesterday, so that I CAN kill them, so that I CAN make them suffer."

"That's what I'm *talking* about," Rashmi says… this time, her voice doesn't rise to outshout him, but simply soft, urgent, *worried.* "You want to *hurt* them the way they *hurt* you, Theo… You want to make them *pay* for the things you told me about, and all the things you won't. And it's *normal* to feel that way, Theo… ask anybody! But however much you *want* to, you still find ways to justify to yourself why you *don't,* and that's *good.* That means there's a part of you that doesn't *want* to want this, Theo! That means he's *wrong,* don't you see?"

Theo runs both his good and his broken hand through his hair. "So you're telling me, that because I have an overwhelming desire to see people suffer, but have somehow been kept from it until now, that makes me good? I know it's normal! I know everybody is just as rotten as me, but that doesn't make me good. It just makes everyone else bad too."

"*No,* Theo," Rashmi replies, "I'm *saying* that you *have* this desire because you're *hurt,* not evil! And that you don't *have* to feel that way, if you think something's wrong with you…" Getting up from the couch, she circles the table, brow furrowed. "Is *everyone* really that rotten, Theo? Honestly? You haven't met a single person in the world you think doesn't deserve to be called that?"

With his left hand, he points Rashmi out and challenges it. "What was your first thought?" he asks. "When I told you what they did to me?" He had noticed her clenched fist during his story, and now brings it into his argument. "And what would you have said if I told you I had pulled the trigger. Would I be evil then, for the difference of a twitch of my finger? If I told you that I took his wallet and tracked down his family? If I killed Caleb to ensure that there was no witness? At what point do I become evil? Huh? Where's the line that I go up to and not cross before I become like Sinister, or Ahab, or any of the rest of them?"

Rashmi straightens at this, her face showing no guilt, or confusion; his argument has been heard, and will be met. "I was *angry,*" she says in reply to the first question. "I was angry because those people *hurt someone,* *hurt my friend,* and because they did it for reasons that were *stupid.* And yeah, a little part of me wanted to punch them in the nose, like I did when Magneto started going on and on about his party line." Shaking her head, she strides forward, bending down slightly that they face each other, nose to nose, eyes narrowed. "You want to know at what point you end up like those others? It's when there's nothing left; whether or not there's *another* way to do things, if you don't *care* enough to stop hurting and killing and torturing, *then* and *only then* is there no hope left. And however much you might sneer at it, *I will not give up on you* until that day comes."

"Then don't care too much," Theo says, "Because I will fail you." He begins to walk past Rashmi toward the elevators, but just as he's going to pass her, he changes directions, and without warning tries to wrap himself around her in a hug.

Rashmi returns the hug, tentative only because it's difficult to gauge there is safe and where isn't, and she squeezes her eyes shut, pressing her cheek against his temple. "You won't," she whispers, "you *won't.* I don't *expect* anything you can fail at, Theo… all I have are hopes, and you can't ruin those ever."

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