Players:
Summary: Daisuke reaches out to Shane but when Emma shows up, all bets are off.
Date: August 20, 2011
Log Title: Calming Explosions
Rating: PG-13
Xavier Mansion - Shane's Room
Slightly bigger than the old room, the new rooms fit two students comfortably. Each room has off white walls with a dark brown carpet. There is one window in the middle of the wall that looks out over the grounds. Each room has two beds, two dressers, two desks and two closets, one for each student.
There is a soft knock on Shane's door followed by the voice of Daisuke. "Shane, are you there?" There's a worried tone to his voice as he asks. "Umm..I actually have something for you too." Figuring that if she is choosing to ignore him and pretend she isn't in, maybe that might get her to answer the door.
"….Yeah I'm here," comes the muffled, resigned sigh on the other side of the door.
"Mind if I come in?" Asks Daisuke since he doesn't just want to intrude. "I don't just want to barge into your room without permission. I promise it's not because I'm a vampire."
"….S'fine," is all the answer Daisuke gets, for the moment, but it's an invitation at least.
After walking into the room Daisuke shuts the door behind him. He can't help but glance around the room curiously before his eyes focus back on Shane. He has a bag in one of his hands. "I wanted to apologize for yesterday, I didn't mean to startle you."
The room is… much more spare than one would normally expect it to be. This, largely because half of it is bereft of anyone living in it, and the other half is heaped with garbage bags full of things. Only an empty suitcase, half-open dresser, and open laptop bag rest on Shane's bed around the girl, who is studiously avoiding Daisuke's eyes, on the pretense that there's something worth looking at on her laptop. "…Wasn't startled," she says after a moment. "Threw up a lot though. Don't remember being that scared outside of the Crystal, but whatever."
Daisuke goes and sits down on the empty bed, putting the bag in his lap. "No Shane, it's not a whatever thing." His voice is soft and quite sympathetic. "I came here cause I'm worried about you, what happened well…if you wanted a friend to talk to Shane…" He then holds out the bag. "I brought you something. From when I was in Japan this summer."
Shane's face twists for a moment, her expression growing stormy, and very briefly, she recoils away from the bag. But here, she pauses, forcing herself to take a deep breath, and reaching out slowly. Once the bag is in her posession, only then does she open it up and take a peek inside; whatever the girl was afraid of before this nightmare, clearly her experiences have given her no cause to make them anything but worse.
There are thick magazine like books in the bag one filled with various cosplay outfits and pictures and the other filled with gothic lolita outfits. Also in the bag is a plushie of a Hello Kitty doll in a kimono. "I was away for most of the summer, visiting my Grandmother in Kyoto. I found those in Tokyo and thought you'd like them. I didn't know you were gone until I got back but I remembered you said no clothes so I thought those might help you with ideas of things to sew. It's nothing much but I know you like Anime and Japanese Style so.." There's a shrug as he doesn't know how to finish the sentence.
Silence reigns in the half-packed bedroom, as the girl reackes into the bag, and pulls out the doll, her motions slow, with exaggerated care. Closing her eyes, she presses the little plush to her mouth, drawing in a deep, shivery breath. "…Thanks," she murmurs around the doll's head. "….Really…. Thanks…"
"You're welcome." Daisuke says smiling a bit. "I know what you're going through, to a degree. I know it's not the same and I'm not trying to say I had it worse or anything but like I was telling Connor. I was once brainwashed to kill and to attack the school. It's a horrible feeling and I'm really sorry that you had to find out the way you did but…don't leave. Leaving won't solve anything."
Shane shakes her head slowly, crushing the doll against her face for a moment. "…Just waiting t'get kicked out," she murmurs after a short silence. "Figure I might as well. You don't put the principal in the hospital 'n expect t'come back next day all smiles 'n sunshine. Be *stupid* if I thought that."
"Wait, you think they'll kick you out for that?" Daisuke says sounding surprised. "Shane..no..that won't happen. If it didn't happen to me, or Brian, Jordan, Skyler, Jono and all the rest that it's happened to, why would it happen to you? Sometimes things happen that you don't have control over, Ms. Frost knows that. Trust me, she does. They understand that and they don't want you to be kicked out or to leave."
"Because the school *gives a shit about you,*" Shane snarls, then once again forces herself to subside. The doll is placed, with care, back in the bag, and set aside. "…Because that's just the way it works," she says, much quieter now.
"The school gives a shit about you too Shane." Daisuke says standing up and reaching over to put a hand on her shoulder. "It's not the way it works Shane. Believe me when I say however bad things where before you came here it can change. If it can change for me it can change for you."
Shane pulls away from Daisuke, eyes bright with angry, bitter tears. "Oh yeah? Then how come it took *three months* for anyone to even bother? How come apparently we had to try and blow this place up *twice?!* How come you all let me worry 'bout blasting myself *naked* 'n having to run for my room for like *moths* before anyone ever *bothered* to say 'Oh hey, here's some undies, enjoy!' Huh? That's giving a shit?"
"I…I don't know Shane. I really don't." Daisuke says not trying to make excuses. "Sometimes it takes them a while to notice things but it's not for lack of caring but I can't answer that. I didn't even know until I got back a few days ago. I'm sorry that you had to go through that Shane, I really am."
"No. You didn't. 'N s'fine, never *expected* you to. No one'd ever told you I was on Kick. Don't blame you not knowing I was detoxing. Frost *should've* known. She's the one who'd taken it away. 'N let me go on and detox myself. Two weeks. No one said *anything.*" Dropping her gaze, she looks at her hands, then curls them into fists. "Almost a year I been here. Three weeks in hell, nine more in a nightmare. Hell taught me more about my powers than this place ever bothered to. Don't gotta worry 'bout blowin' up cos I'm too pissed anymore, now. No thanks t'Frost. *Or* the school. Yeah. Lack 'o carin's what I'd *damn* well call it."
Looking at Shane, Daisuke doesn't say anything for a while. "Listen, I'm going to ask you a question but I'm not blaming you for anything. The lack of attention from the school or what happened, it's not your fault but….do you let people here care about you? I've been concerned about you for a while but you seem to be so guarded and pushed me away. Not that I have a right to know anything but I know what it's like to hurt so much inside that it feels like you'd rather just disappear than live."
"Better question," Shane retorts. "I got a reason I shoulda trusted them to be any better'n anyone else in the first place?"
"Maybe. Since there are so many kids here who are just as broken as you and I." Daisuke says. "And yes, I think you're broken but I don't mean that as insult. Because I never had a friend outside of my brother here before I came here. Because I never trusted anyone besides my brother before I came here but I did find people I could talk to. Yes I'm still afraid of stupid things like the dark but I'm not afraid of my own shadow anymore."
"Awesome. You're lucky," Shane grumbles, pulling her knees up to her chest. "I know I'm a bitch, okay? 'S on purpose, too. All I ever wanted was just bein' left alone. Learned how to stay outta everyone's way. Didn't work. Only time anything got better was when PT nurse got me pissed enough to keep goin'. That worked. How the hell'm I supposed to know anything 'cept I wouldn't be here if I wasn't a walking Columbine? And your counselor's a fucking joke, by the way. Only thing I got outta talkin' to him was I better *never* have any problems anyone else can see."
Daisuke scowls at the comment. "I'm the farthest thing from lucky." He says sounding a bit bitter. "Granted it's been a full year since I haven't been in some sort of trouble but in that year most of my friends have left the school." He pulls an Omamori out of his pocket and shows it to Shane. "This is a good luck charm, I've been wearing it since I came here maybe it's time for you to try it out. I'm a magnet to bad luck but it helped."
"No thanks," Shane mutters, curling in on herself. "Keep it. Sounds like you need it more'n I do anyway."
Daisuke walks over to Shane and places it next to her before stepping back and sitting on the empty bed again. "Maybe I do but you need it too. I don't know how to make things better for you but I can offer you one thing, friendship. I want to be your friend Shane so if you ever need someone to talk to, to help you, I can try to be there."
Shane closes her eyes, turning her head away from the charm for a moment. "….How do I *know?*" she says after a brief silence. "How do I know you're not just waitin' till I start feelin' better just so you can fuck with me? How do I know you're not lying through your *teeth?* How do I know that thing isn't some weird teleporty whatsit that'll just pull me back to that hell and start everything over again?!"
Taking a deep breath Daisuke looks down at his feet. "You won't ever know. I can't make you know but I don't like messing with people." He takes a moment and then takes his shirt off revealing to Shane the mess of scars his arms chest and back are. "This is something I don't like to show people but all this was because of my father. I have trust issues too. And maybe a part of it is me being selfish but I failed to help my brother when I saw he needed me just as much as I needed him and….I don't want to just ignore the fact that you do need someone to lean on even if you fight it."
"This issue is not trust… the matter is perception, Daisuke." Emma Frost says from the doorway to the room, somehow just being there, and somehow looking as immaculate as usual, "She is questioning reality… not your faith. And the answer is… you do not Shania. You do not know if this is real, or simply another illusion to be taken for granted." And a smile passes her white-hued lips as she steps forwards, "I can tell you… I can invade your mind again… I could force you to believe that this is real… but then I would be no better than Miss Brown's father. Would I. But that is the cardinal difference now isn't it. Neither of us is here to convince you. But to help you convince yourself."
"Oh what *now* you show up?!" Surging to her feet, the slight young mutant rounds on Emma, eyes blazing. "Is *that* all you do, just sit back and wait until everything's broken to hell and just *swoop on in* to make everything all better?! Go take your stupid mind tricks and that *fucking smirk* and just CRAM IT OKAY?! WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?!"
Daisuke quickly puts his shirt back on as Emma comes in and he's about to say something when Shane unleashes. He takes a deep breath and just watches figuring saying anything won't help. "Should…should I leave?"
Emma shakes her head, "No… you should not. You understand her pain… whereas I have only inflicted it." But as she steps forwards, "I was attempting to find you, using every resource I had available… and then, Upgrade and Mindbender used you, Mister Larkin, their own daughter, and a Barnes student to attack the campus. And because of the unique nature of Upgrades abilities? I was not aware when she shoved a knife through my kidney, nearly bursting it… or the cut of the blade that sliced a part of my liver. And so I was not able to prevent Cerebra from being destroyed. At that point? I was unable to do more." Stopping a foot from Shane however, she adds, "But yes… we are at fault. We are seen to do nothing. And there is no explanation that I can give that will make you feel better."
Shane narrows her eyes, raising one finger. "Three weeks in hell, lady. Nine more in a fucking *nightmare.*" The finger, that single digit and nothing else, flushes, glows brightly, and discharges with a *SNAP* that is dangerous to nothing, and does little more than ruffle the hair of the three people in the little dorm room. "And now I can do that. You couldn't even be bothered to find *underwear* for *six months.* You took away my Kick. Fine. You left me to detox *on my own.*" She nods at Daisuke, her expression bleak and hard. "Him I understand. He didn't even know what was going on, ever. But *you.* What are you even fucking *good* for."
Feeling quite like a rock in a hard place Daisuke stays quite for the moment. He looks over at Emma for a bit and then looks at Shane. He's got very mixed feelings on what happened to Shane.
It seems enough is enough, and Emma narrows her eyes, "Yes… I am good for nothing. I am not good for helping young men and women find a place to learn about their special gifts with the safety and comfort that is the best we can provide. I am not good for liasing with the government, the state boards, to keep this place open in the face of every silly little frivilous reprobate who has decided that we are the new Jew, the new Japanese, or the Homosexual… or the Arab. Yes… I am no good for putting myself out there daily to protect this place against the threats of violence that come from sources that you have yet. To. Comprehend." For a moment there's a feeling of a literal chill in the room… (cont)
When her head turns to Daisuke, she nods once, "Obviously I am no good for this either. To look in on students who have been hurt, and I have been impotent to assist… because there are two hundred other of the same I must keep from the very same harm that the few have been forced to suffer. That I am useless in understanding about what was done and that I might be able to offer the ability to push it to to side… and that I am unable to even do the simplest things… like ensure her parents do not believe this place is nothing but a place where pain and suffering festers like a disease. I wish you the best of luck. It is a commodity that like with all others… I am sorely LACKING." And with that Emma starts walking towards the door again.
"And *that,*" Shane mutters, just loud enough to be heard, "is how I know what's real."
Daisuke pulls his knees up to his chest before speaking quite softly. "You know, Ms. Frost is the one that helped me put my father in jail. If it wasn't for her I might still be…." He doesn't want to think about it so he just keeps talking to his feet. "I know it doesn't seem like she cares Shane but I think she does. I'm not taking anyone's side because I think you needed to get off your chest what you did. You need to express yourself because you've been trying so hard to just be alone that you don't have an outlet for your pain."
Emma cannot be seen with her leaving, but her mental voice echoes in both minds as she replies with the same firm tone, 'If there is anything I am used to… it is failure. Daisuke has the necessary permissions. Should you decide to do so… have him pull up the records of the original Hellions. Or the Massachusetts Academy. Or the Kick Riot… Or the Stepford Cuckoos. And yet… if I was to give up. If I was to stop TRYING… then I become no better than those who harmed you. All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
Shane's shoulders slump, one hand rising to scrub at her face. "Look, I *get it,* okay?" she says to nobody in particular. "I *know* there's more important stuff than me. I *know* I'm an asshole for saying all that. I *am.* But just…" Shaking her head, she drops down onto the bed next to Daisuke, curling up on her side. "…D'you ever wonder what it's like when there's nobody in the world 'cept for you…?" She manages a soft, sad laugh. "Time was, that was all I ever wanted… then I got it. Three days in, and I was half ready to lose my mind…"
Daisuke walks over to Shane and sits next to her, putting his hand gently on her shoulder. "I hate being alone." He admits to her. "After Shuya died I felt like there was no one in the world except for me and my father, but, that's about as far as I can imagine I guess. I understand why you said it though Shane." He says. "If you want to talk more about it, I really don't mind listening."
Only Daisuke can hear Emma add, 'Please… be what I cannot. Whatever trust I attempted to build has been shattered… she needs someone she can talk to, and that is not me. I give you as much latitude as you need to assist. And I will keep my presence as minimal as possible until she feels best that she can face me. But you can let her know… she need not apologize. Her litany is not any less honest for the anger that bore it to break against me.'
"It was *really* like that," she says, oblivious to Emma's pleas. The words start slowly, but before long, rush out in a torrent. "Like… *nothing.* Just… crystal. No people, no buildings…. just a pool of water and something else that had food in it sometimes. And… Sometimes I'd go to sleep, and wake up…. outside. I guess it was outside. And I had to run back to safety. I wasn't even just me, either… just the only one that got out. I'd see other me's, in like crystal prisons… sometimes they'd collapse… 'N… I'd watch myself die, screaming…. Sometimes they'd try to kill me, take my place they said… I *broke* those… That was it…. I only know it was three weeks of that… cos when I broke the big machine and got out? Saw a newspaper. The world was pretty much fucked by then… Everyone'd been turned into monsters, it was like a stupid zombie flick, only worse. But there were *people.* And I didn't *care* how shitty Patches was at talking, or how I barely saw Cheryl or
"And I didn't *care* how shitty Patches was at talking, or how I barely saw Cheryl or Heather. There were *people I could talk to.*"
Daisuke nods and gives Shane a sideways hug. "That sounds horrible Shane." He says as he would never want to go through that. "Well you don't have to be alone anymore Shane."
"…Don't I?" Shane murmurs, burying her face into the blankets. "If I wasn't going to get kicked out before…" A careless hand rises, flailing in the general direction of the door. "That's all *I'm* good for… Y'right, I'm broke, Daisuke… So broke it's not even worth it t'try'n fix."
"The last thing Ms. Frost is going to do is kick you out." Daisuke says to her. "Broke is very worth trying to fix Shane. Are you saying I'm not worth trying to fix either?" He asks giving her a small smile.
"It's not the *same,*" Shane blurts, raising her head and ficing Daisuke with an almost childishly petulant look. "You're not *me.* The rules are *different* when it's me."
Daisuke shakes his head. "No they aren't. You just want them to be different. I don't want to fix you Shane, I can't fix you. Maybe broken doesn't need to be fixed but broken needs to learn how to cope with what happened. Do you want to stay here Shane?"
"…I don't know," is Shane's reply, after a long pause. "I thought getting curbstomped by a bunch of jocks and their girlfriends when my only friend turned his back was bad. 'N… Then I came here. 'F I take off now… how could it get worse? 'F I stay…. how could it get better? *Or* worse?"
"Well if you take off now you loose the chance at forming friends here, forming friends who might understand you more than the stupid jocks and their girlfriends." Daisuke says. "Things might definitely get worse if you stay here, I mean this won't be the last. I can't lie about that. I'm also partial to this place cause it's the only place I've ever felt home at."
"…DOn't even feel at home at *home* anymore," Shane murmurs, her head dropping back down onto the bed. "…Went back f'r Christmas… 'n… they bought all new furniture. Mom packed her collectible thingies in the garage. …Still even had the marks where the old couches were. Dad'n his husband? Got those ugly-ass unbreakable dishes. All just for when I was there… Just so I wouldn't break anything important."
"At least you have parents." Daisuke says. "I mean, at least they still want you home. I mean think about that girl Heather you were trapped with. Her parents are super villains and did that to you, she doesn't even have a pair of Dads to take their daughter's powers into consideration or celebrate Christmas with. I mean maybe they don't realize how insensitive they're being and you should tell them that it hurt your feelings."
"I *can't,*" Shane says, rolling onto her back and sighing. "I mean they spent *all that money* just so they don't have to worry. They're not exactly superrich, y'know… Feels kinda wrong to tell them 'Hey, all the money you spent was a bad move."
"What do you think matters more to your parents, you and your feelings, or money?" Daisuke says. "I'd rather give up all the money I have for parents that actually gave a damn."
"I think it's kind of important that they, y'know, can *eat* and stuff," Shane grumbles. "Iunno if you've ever been, but, LA's pretty damn expensive, and they're not movie stars."
"So is New York." Daisuke says. "I'm just saying though if it bothers you that much you should vocalize it to them. I don't know your parents though. But them eating and living is important."
"Yeah," Shane says, sighing. "…I'm not even mad at Mason anymore… I *was* gonna ask that if they have to kick me out could they at least tell him I'm sorry for being so horrible?"
"Well now is your chance to tell him yourself?" Daisuke says. "Though one thing that might help is maybe getting away for a few days. Just, going home if needed before the school year starts or just finding a way to get away. Sometimes it's nice to let your mind recharge away from here too."
Shane says, "And do *what?*" Shane says, sighing and pushing herself upright. "Daisuke… I *threw away* all my costumes. I figured if I couldn't wear anything I cared about what was the point of *making* anything, y'know? I don't even really *want* to make anything… but it was pretty much the only thing that actually made me happy. So…" She shrugs, leaning over to rest her elbows on her knees. "…Wouldn't even know what to *do* with any free time."
"Just give it time, you might feel like making costumes again. Maybe you can find some inspiration in those books." Daisuke says as he figures going 'why did you throw them away, they were amazing?!' would be a bad idea. "Well you can maybe play some videogames, just doing something can help get your mind of what happened, clear it a bit."
"Mmn," is Shane's only real reply. "….Hey Daisuke….? Thanks. Seriously…. Thanks."
"You're not a bad person Shane. You've been hurt but you deserve friends and deserve to be happy." Daisuke says. "And you don't have to be alone." He says giving her a smile. "Well I should probably head back to my room and leave you to, hopefully, unpack."
"I guess," Shane says, throwing a jaundiced eye over the garbage bags. "…No sense throwing *more* shit out, right? Talk to you later…"
