2010-07-08: Crushed


Connor_icon.jpg Lucas_icon.jpg

Summary: Lucas apologizes to Connor for the Chattanooga trip.

Date: July 8, 2010

Log Title: Crushed

Rating: PG

Xavier Mansion - Connor and Robyn's Room

Robyn's side of the room is cluttered but not messy and has a bit of a creepy feel to it. His bed has black sheets with a Nightmare Before Christmas pillow and comforter. On the wall is a Nightmare Before Christmas poster and a poster showing the art of Edward Gorey. On his end table is a collection of little figures that seem to have a deamonish quality to him. On his desk are more little figures like a tree that instead of leaves has hands and a snake eating someone holding a 'help me' sign. He's got a few art books on his desk along with his regular schoolbooks. A cased cello sits in the corner of his side of the room.

Lucas knocks on Connor's door. He's wearing a pair of khaki cargo shorts and a tight wifebeater. He sighs, folding his arms over his chest, and waits.

It takes a few moments, but then the door opens slowly, and a set of slightly glowing eyes can be seen in the dark room. Connor's voice comes, sounding like he was woken from a nap, and mumbles, "Sup?"

Lucas furrows his brow a little, "Oh… um…" He looks around, then shrugs, "Ah reckon Ah could come back. Ah didn't mean to wake you an' shit, brosef…" He prepares to bolt.

There's almost an undertone of a growl there for a moment before the eyes intensify and then resume their normal wattage, "Dude… seriously… damage has been done. Now… what is it?" And pulling the door open, Connor moves back to sit on his bed, dressed down into a pair of boxers and a sleeveless top.

Lucas follows him in, glancing around. He's actually not been in before. He leans carefully against the wall, trying to not do anything that might upset Connor's OCD. "Sorry." He sighs, and again, folds his arms over his chest. "Ah was… Can we talk about the other night?"

Connor's side of the room looks bare. As if no one really lives there. The bed however is made perfectly, everything is clean, and you can almost 'see' the line in the room where Robyn's half begins. Sitting down on his bed once, he motions, "Lucas… sit where-ever… Robyn won't mind. And sure. If you have something to say…" The last almost coming as a warning…

Lucas nods, and moves over to sit on Robyn's bed. He watches Connor a moment, and then says, "Ah'm sorry. Ah didn't realize Ah was bein' a douche to you two… Ah was excited, an Ah didn't think."

Connor looks down for a moment, "You're apologizing for the wrong thing." After that moment he looks up, "You didn't trust us. Either of us. You were afraid if you asked and told us… we'd say no. I got yelled at by Jinx because she thought I knew… I didn't… I just had a bad port." But once more his head hangs, "I backed you up… so… whatever comes of it, I'm just as much to blame."

Lucas furrows his brow, "That's not true," he says, rather earnestly. "Ah trusted you both more than Ah ever trusted anyone…" He tightens his folded arms, almost protectively. "Ringo, Ah don't tell folk about my maw, let alone take anyone there." A little more quietly, he adds, "Rash ain't even met her…"

Connor grumbles out bitterly, "You know what? Doesn't matter…" Sighing once more and rubbing at his face before looking back up at Lucas, "You're telling me… you won't take your girlfriend to meet your mother, but a barely known someone… who looks like… WHOEVER SHE WAS… to see her?" Standing up, he stalks forward and locks eyes with Lucas, "You trusted us to do what you wanted without asking questions… there's a lot I could handle… but that… that was… YOU LIED TO YOUR MOTHER! YOUR *OWN* *GODDAMN* *MOTHER*!"

Lucas looks down, and he nods. "Ah did. Ah have been. The doctor's thought it was best…" He swallows, and there's a very meek shrug, "You don't understand, an' Ah don't think Ah can explain it safely."
Connor goes back to his spot, almost slams down on his bed, and crosses his arms over his chest, "Start."

Lucas shakes his head, "No, Ah mean, Ah don't know if Ah can tell you without…" He grumbles, and huffs. "It's hard to talk about without losing control of my hands…"

Connor starts to chuckle a bit, and then shakes his head, "Luke… you have so many problems upstairs, I don't know where to begin. You know that? And unless you start letting some of this out, it's just going to get worse? Look at me…" And he points to his eyes, "I'm on an anti-anxiety med to kill most of what the OCD does, with a backup for when I get attacks. ON top of that I have to get tested every month and see Jeri every other week. Why? Because I took responsibility for my problems. But -I- had to make that step. I -Had- to be willing to tell someone else… that I needed help again. I think it's about time you got off your ass and did the same."

Lucas stands, "Don't call me Luke!" he shouts, clearly a button has been pressed. "Christ, Ringo, what the fuck do you think Ah was doin' havin' you two help me there!?! That was my first step! Yesterday Ah asked Jinx if she'll help me in focusin' with her power to get my hands to stop flaming! Ah'm sorry that that's not enough or that Ah ain't fuckin' goin' fast enough for you but THAT'S where Ah'm at, okay!?!?"

Connor watches for several moments, and then he nods once, and gives a soft exhale through his nose, "How was I supposed to know, hmmmm? I only know what I know… the rest I can guess…" Standing up to move almost nose to nose with Lucas, standing there staring into those eyes, "I got yelled at by her over you… I feel like I'm stuck between friends because of you. And I really REALLY HATE BEING CALLED RINGO." The words coming out in a hissed breath, "But you like it… so I put up with it. I'm your friend… so get USED to putting up with my shit. And get used to understanding… I will call you to the carpet if you do something like that again without giving me the whole story. Got me?"

Lucas holds his ground, but he seems to calm down a little, his tone more even. "Jinx an' Ah are fine. Ah made right. Ah'm tryin' to do that with you. But to be fair, NEITHER of you asked me what we were doin' there. NEITHER of you asked me who we was seein' or where we was goin'. Ah didn't force you to go. Ah asked, and you agreed." He turns, and heads towards the door. "Good bye, Connor."

Connor turns to watch Lucas start to walk off, "Fair's fair… I didn't because I'd hoped you say something. Always was your friend, Lucas… but really… it was a lot to deal with. I'm also on edge because she yelled at me and said some things that set off an attack. So… I'm sorry. I could have handled my shit better there… I guess like everyone else I was looking for a place to lash out to. So… think you can forgive me that? For how at least?"

Lucas stops walking, and he sighs. He slowly turns to look at Connor. "Ah don't have friends, Connor. Ah don't let people get close to me because Ah have so much baggage that when Ah let them in, shit like this happens." He shakes his head, "Ah'm sorry Connor. Maybe we oughta both just walk away."

Connor taps the side of his head a few times and shakes his head, smirking a bit, "For a dude who loves music, you've got crap hearing… You did it… I'm mad. Maybe a little hurt… but eventually I'll get over it. Because you had your reasons, and we didn't ask. Doesn't change much though. I still think you're few screws loose, but who the hell isn't here? End of story? You're not getting rid of me that easy." Moving back to his bed, he sighs as he sits down, and then tilts his head to one side to watch you, "I can't make you make me my friend, Lucas. You did that yourself."

Lucas watches Connor, and finally unfolds his arms. "Ah'm more'n a few loose." He sighs again, something he's done a lot of lately. "Ah ain't sayin' we aren't friends no more, Connor. Ah'm just sayin', maybe Ah'm choosin' for us to not be any closer than anyone else here. Ah made a mistake. Ah won't do it again."

Connor asks softly, "Wanna tell me how long you've had a crush on me, Lucas?"

Lucas tilts his head, "What?" He furrows his brow a little, and shakes his head, "Dude… Wow." He grins, "What the hell's that mean?"

Connor rubs the back of his neck, "It means that I'm not blind. You kissed me on the cheek… that's a bit out of left field. Maybe I'm reading too much into things… but maybe… I'm reading it right for once. I think you've got a thing for me. I'm just asking you to see how you're acting towards me through the same eyes."

Lucas furrows his brow a little, "Ah think you're wrong. 'Sides, Ah thought you was lookin' to hook up with James."

Connor rolls his eyes, "Lucas… he and I settled that before the thing with the rock in Central Park. He's got no interest in me… other than a friend. As much as anyone can be friends with him. It actually made me feel a little bit better to get shot down by him, but it was a wake-up call. This isn't about James. This is about you."

Lucas shakes his head, "No. It's never about me. Ah hate it when it's about me." He looks down at his feet, then he reaches into his pocket, and pulls out the chain with the guitar pick on it. "Why did you give this to me? What is it YOU want?"

Connor reaches under his bed, and fishes out a 12 pack of Dr. Pepper, getting one and cracking it before he pushes it back under the bed. Taking a drink, he just sighs, "You love music… almost more than anything. You love Kurt Cobain. So I took a chance it'd be something you'd like, and keep as something to remember how music makes you feel. What do -I- want? I'd like you to trust me when you can't trust yourself. I'd like you to let me be the friend you want me to be. But want? I want to not have my compulsive disorder, and I want to be able to sleep a night without living out some horrific nightmare of life of another me."

Lucas nods, as if Connor answered more than he said. "Okay." He puts the chain back in his pocket. "Ah did trust you. Ah took you to my maw. Ah showed you my kryptonite, and asked you to help me no longer be held hostage over her." He scratches the back of his neck, looking over Robyn's things. "Ah love dolphins more than music."

Connor gives a slight smirk at the admission, "I like sea otters. Who's image did you give Jinx?"

Lucas looks at Connor again, "Samantha Hayes. We were in love. My maw was convinced we would get married. She died. The doctors thought it was best to not shock my maw with the news."

Connor doesn't say anything at that. But his eyes flick down to the gloves and the back up at his friend before he then says, "So… what happens now?"

Lucas shrugs, "Ah dunnow. You think Ah want you. Now things are all weird. Ah wanna just walk away, because it's what Ah do. Bein' close to folk just makes me vulnerable, an' Ah hate that."

Connor drinks some more of his drink, and then moves to lay on the bed, "Then it's all in your court. I've said my peace. You obviously trust me. But I can't do anymore than prove that trust. So… if right now you need to walk and get it sorted… go ahead. I won't stop you." There's nothing bitter about his words, it's actually rather light and calm by comparison.

Lucas sighs, and once again folds his arms over his chest. "Heh…" He shakes his head a little, "You're good." He smiles, "Ah wish we were friends before, Connor. Ah wasn't always so fucked up." He turns, putting his hand on the door handle and pausing, looking over his shoulder. He just stares at Connor, looking him over for a long moment.

Connor closes his eyes, and takes a breath, "Well… we're friends now. Guess there's no helping bad timing, right?" After the pause, one eye opens and he watches, "Next time I do a New York run, you wanna come along? It's usually just to Central Park, but hey… I hear they do concerts in the park this time of year."

Lucas tilts his head a little, though there's no real reaction on his face. "What? Like a date?"

Connor chuckles a bit and for a moment picks up a pillow to throw at you, before he says, "Cock." The smile still plays on his face, however.

Lucas catches the pillow, and then tosses it onto the floor in the middle of the room. "That looks messy." He looks back at Connor. "Look… Ah promise… Ah won't kiss you no more, if'n you promise to not be weird about it."

Connor nods once, still smiling, "Deal."

Lucas smirks, "Whatever. You liked it." He turns and goes.

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