2011-12-14: Danger Room In Mordor


Connor_icon.jpg Kenta_icon.jpg

Summary: Kenta catches Connor using the danger room session more for therapy over training.

Date: December 14, 2011

Log Title: Danger Room In Mordor

Rating: PG

Xavier Mansion - Danger Room

A product of Shi'ar technology, the room generates apparently solid, realistic imagery by manipulation high-resolution force fields and holograms. The walls and floor appear as a steel room until a program is turned on. Overhanging the room in the center is a control Room managing the room's mechanisms to oversee the exercise while ensuring the subject's safety.

The beauty of using the Danger Room that only a few of the X-men and some of the students ever really realized is that it can take something as simple as a movie and expand it for you into a grandiose fantasy. Where Nightcrawler had his thing for redoing Errol Flynn's pirate movies and such, it seems Connor Blake is in a much more visceral mood. In the woods of Parth Galen, standing in for the fellowship, two orcs swing their blades at the young man, who evades one, and parries the other with a Legolas-style sword in that hand. Wielding them in much the fashion of the Elven hunter, he spins, taking one Orc in the throat, and stabbing the other in the back before having to face down the Uruk'Hai himself. If the diagnostics are correct, this is the third time he's run this particular scene today, and it's not looking too much fun at this point.

Before the senario even ends it fades off and where Connor was once standing he now stands in what appears to be an endless field, calm and serene. A gentle breeze floats by and water can be seen rippling in a pond in the distance. Flowers bring a variety of scents to carry on the wind but the blades Connor was holding are still in his hands. There's a clapping that comes from the control booth above as Kenta can be seen standing up there. Over the loud speaker his voice comes through, "You know, other people do need to use this room sometime and I think you're getting a bit…complacent here." He says before starting to make his way into the simulated meadow.

Dropping to one knee and panting for several moments, Connor takes the opportunity to catch his breath and let the blades clamp onto his suit's locks on his hips. Standing up, he winces where the Danger Room feedback had hit him a couple times earlier, still feeling the sting. Then he looks around to see where Kenta will come from next, but replies, "This is off-hours time for the Danger Room… I checked… and no one was scheduled for now. So what's the problem?"

"The problem is you've done the same senario three times in a row." Kenta says shoving his hands in his pockets as he seems to just appear in the distance and walks over to Connor. He's dressed in a pair of jeans with a black sleevless shirt that shows off the various markings on his arms and chest. "You're not doing it for training, you're doing it for something else. You're using the Danger Room as your personal venting tool."

Connor's shoulders go up, and the slump back as the mild accusation comes, and for a moment he turns his back on the older man, looking around at the field, "And if I am? It killed me twice, I wanted to get it right. One win before I was done with the time." Keeping his eyes away from Kenta however, he continues on, "You can't tell me you've never come down here to blow off stress… or something."

"Nope I can't, I've run the same senerio over and over before. Especially when I first came back to this world." Kenta says finally sitting down and taking out a cigarette and lighting it up, who knows if it's real or all part of the simulation but the smoke goes anywhere but towards Connor. "I know it sucks you lost your powers Connor but this isn't going to help bring them back or make up for them being gone."

Connor turns around to face Kenta, and seems a bit angry, his eyes red and his jaw set, "You know what? I can live without the powers… it wa convenience. Yeah, I miss them, but I'm just as normal and just as capable as any other person. But what I can't get past is the nightmares. I never realized how sane my powers kept me… I didn't dream about the people I've had to fight and kill, or the things I saw happen to friends." Looking around a moment, he then says softly, "Every time I see Rashmi, there's this little part of me that blames myself. I got her captured, I got her tortured… but things only make sense when I'm fighting anymore. Otherwise… it's just… awkward. I don't want to deal with people."

"You keep blaming yourself and you'll lose the people you care about." Kenta says softly. "What about before you got your powers, did you ever dream before then? But, it sucks doesn't it?" Kenta says. "You may be find during the day but the memories always seem to haunt you in your dreams. My son used to wake me up cause I was having nightmares you know." He says before looking at Connor. "As much as you think it, your friends fate does not rest on your shoulders. Thinking that way will tear you away from them."

Rubbing at his face, it's obvious he's close to the edge of a breakdown or something, the stoicism wearing away to show someone frayed by worry and lost sleep, "No… I'd be living some other life… I could justify the horrors because it wasn't really me… it was some other me. It was never me." Shaking his head, he just ends up sitting down in the middle of the grass, and looks at his hands, "I went to a Navy recruiter a couple weeks ago… and got promplty turned down because of my neurological disorder… and then about thirty minutes later I got a call from my dad yelling at me about why Barnes is calling to find out why I didn't come in for my application tour. I have this weird feeling when I'm driving around New York that I'm being watched. And life just doesn't make sense until I start hitting something."

Kenta sits down next to Connor and lies down next to him. "Who knows if you are or aren't Connor. I can't answer that one but most of the time it's just paranoia, which we all deal with. I mean we're mutants, who knows if there some goverment ass just watching people as they leave here, or mutant town. And you sound like Armande's mother now. You know she had really bad OCD when we came back. Really bad, and she kept fearing that she'd kill me or Armande and she became emotionally distant…..I left her." He says pausing only to inhale on his cigarette. "She said the same thing, she felt better when fighting, I never understood it, still can't. I just never understood why the fight was so important."

"It's a one or zero situation." Connor says almost mechanically, "There's obvious choice and result, there's hit and miss… but the end is obvious. You're either still standing, or you're not. It's clear." He's not really staring at Kenta while he's talking, his eyes distant, "Everything else shuts up, and I don't have to be scared anymore… there's just the rush of adrenaline, my heartbeat muffling out all the background noise, and…" But then he stops and turns his head to look at you, taking a deep breath, "I'm not afraid I'm going to hurt someone… hurting is easy. I'm just afraid I'm going to pick the wrong side."

"But by doing that your'e also running away. You're running away from your life, you're hiding in a fake combat simulation in a Fantasy World." Kenta points out fairly bluntly. "And what is the wrong side or right side? I mean as long as you're not out there robbing banks, killing people, becoming a mutant terriorst, I think you're on the right side."

Connor growls out, "So what if I am… it's not much of a life. At least Rashmi and Robyn are doing something with their's. I'm just running around in a circle." With that he stands up, and turns around to look at Kenta, a hard line in his features, "The men who founded this nation did so in conflict, in the face of an empire that they felt was unjust and unfair. But now in that same land god forbid you're gay, muslim, or a mutant… because not all human rights are equal. The more I see, the more I start to think Mister Lensherr has the right idea. It ought to be better. But it will never be without the strength and resolve to make it so."

"Things could be much worse than what they are Connor. You know that from the way your powers work. Think about some of those worlds you've seen in your dreams, I wouldn't be surprised if one of your dream yous was in the dimension I was kidnapped to." Kenta says sitting up and looking up at Connor his face fairly neutral. "People will -always- find something to hate. Always. Should it be better, yes it should, but what are you going to do to make it better? Hijack nuclear weapons and threaten to destroy Manhattan? Just like Mister Lensherr's done in the past?"

Connor yells out loud enough to echo off the chamber walls, "I DON'T KNOW! MY BRAIN IS SCREAMING FOR SOMETHING -ANYTHING- TO POINT ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AND I'VE GOT NOTHING!" For the briefest of moments you could swear there's a flicker of nascent power in his eyes, but then it fades just as soon. And throwing his hands up in frustration, he moves off several paces, and then stops, his shoulders beginning to shake as a weaker voice comes out, "I… don't know… I don't know."

Kenta just asks Connor one question, calm and simple. "What is important to you Connor. What is it that would be so hard for you to live without you couldn't imagine it?"

Connor says barely loud enough to be heard, "Purpose." Then there's a hard sniff, and his shoulders shake a bit more.

"And you think because you're no longer at Xavier's, because you aren't going to college, because you're don't powers you don't have a purpose?" Kenta says not harshly but still with a bit of accusation in his voice. "Your 'purpose' doesn't have to be spectacular, mine is simple, my son."

"It's so easy when you say it like that." Connor replies softly, and shakes his head again, rubbing at his temples, "I want to go to Barnes, but if I do, my father will never talk to me again. I didn't meet my father until I was like… two years old, did you know that? He wasn't there when I was born. He's never been mad at me about anything until now. I don't know how to handle it. There doesn't seem to BE a right choice."

"Sometimes there isn't a right choice. There are just two hard choices, but you have to do what is right for you." Kenta says to Connor before letting out a long sigh. "I don't know if leaving Daphne was the right decision but I it was painful to stay with her and I knew that she couldn't take care of Armade on her own. I took her son away from her and she, well she's dead now." He says quitely. "Was there a right and wrong decision, I don't know. Armade could have grown up listening to Daph and I fight all the time, I don't know but you have to do what -you- feel is right. Let's say you go to Barnes, your Dad stops talking to you, but it might only be for a bit. How close are you and your father?"

Connor stands up then and starts brushing off the bottom of the uniform he's wearing, "We've never been close like you and your son, but he's always tried so hard to be there for me, even when work wouldn't let him. I think he blamed himself for not being there when I was born or something… I don't know. At least that's what one of my therapists told me…" Shaking his head again, it's his turn to sigh, "He won't tell me WHY he doesn't want me to go to Barnes… he just says I can't."

"Have you told your father anything besides that you want to go? Has he given you enough time to explain why you want to go?" Kenta says. "If he hasn't I really think you need to tell him pretty much everything you've told me. Be honest, I know it's hard to be all emotional with your Dad but I think you need to stand up to him and say listen, this is what I want and why and I don't want you to say anything or yell or scream until I'm done."

Chewing on his lip a moment, Connor then says, "But what if he won't tell me why he's so mad about this?" The question coming out almost childish from the young man.

"I don't know Connor but there's only one thing I can think of, he's a father and he's worried." Kenta says. "You had powers, now you don't. Now you want to go to a school that trains kids to be soliders of sorts, he's probably scared you'll end up different or changed or getting hurt. Maybe he's mad because his anger is him being protective. I know I was mad when Daphne wanted to raise Armande here, I didn't want him around all this but…he ended up being raised here practically."

"Maybe you're right… I just… I'm scared. At least going to school would put some order back in my life. The problem with this kind of freedom is there's too much choice… I deal a lot better when everything is scheduled and I know where I'm supposed to be and what I'm doing." The admission seems to hurt a bit, in his eyes, mainly along the edges. Connor then just take a few steps back towards you, and stops.

"Life is scary Connor." Kenta says and there's a kindness to his voice when he says it. "There's nothing wrong wtih wanting that order, some people need it and it seems like you do need it. Some people are lost without structure, others lost with it."

Connor just nods, and then unclips the swords off his sides, and lets them drop to the ground… they're just hard light after all. Nothing real. He turns and begins to walk, somehow unerringly, towards where the door is, "It's something to think about, allright? I guess you're right… I'm fighting to avoid my own problems… instead of confront them. I guess I've still got some growing up to do."

Kenta stands up and puts a hand on Connor's shoulder. "We all do, even me." He says giving him a smile. "Don't force yourself to grow up, you're still a kid, enjoy every minute of it that you can. Trust me on that, it's the best advice I can give you."

Connor looks over his shoulder at you, and there's a slight frown there, "Yeah… I just never had an easy time of it as a kid. The best and worst year of my life was at this school… and as much as I hate what happened to all of us, I wouldn't want to trade a moment of it."

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