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Summary: Hosea asks Robyn for forgives, Robyn doesn't give it.
Date: January 11, 2011
Log Title: Fail to See Eye to Eye
Rating: PG
Xavier Mansion - Library
Like most Libraries, this one has that respected quite hush about it. A desk to check out books sits next to the door, next to the desk sits a statue of an Orangutan with a sign saying Return your books or else. Row upon row of books goes up and down the room. In the middle of all the shelves are two computers for looking up titles and a group of tables for students to sit and study. Along the back wall are windows with padded window seating for students to read in quiet.
The library is quiet enough that you can hear the clock ticking on the wall, each second passing rhythmically with the last. It is a good place for Hosea to study. The African sits quietly at one of the tables, trying to understand the math equation for his homework. The paper next to him has several scratches on it, attempt after attempt discovered to be wrong. His textbook is flipped back to the answer section to check his latest attempt. Wrong again. His pencil scrapes a mark against his latest problem, and he puts his head in one hand, staring defiantly at the problem which seems to be beating his brain. He rubs his face, math is hard.
Robyn has been sitting on the floor of the library inbetween two shelves looking through books on pottery. Sure he knows quite a bit but you can always learn more, especially since he is going to be making things for a craft fair as per Rashmi's suggestion. After a while though he figures out which books he wants to check out and starts to head towards the desk, pausing when he spots Hosea sitting at the table. He debates if he should say anything or just keep walking but for now he's kind of deer in headlights.
Hosea's eyes shift as Robyn starts to pass him, and he abandons the math problem. He turns in his seat to face the other teen, one arm holding onto the back of the chair like a security blanket. He looks like he wants to say something, but his words fail him. He sets his jaw slightly forward, willing to make eye contact, studying the smaller mutant as he tries to consider what he should say.
Robyn is about to just keep walking forward when he Hosea spots him. He takes a deep breath and pushes his bangs out of his face. "Hey Hosea." He says tightening his grip on his book. He doesn't look happy and there's a bit of annoyance in his eyes as he's not exactly happy with the other teen right now.
"Hello, Robyn," Hosea answers in his deep voice. Robyn's tense grip on the book does not go unnoticed. "I need to speak wit you," he says quietly, his voice much more timid than it usually is. There probably doesn't need to be an explanation for what the topic is. "Are you busy?"
Robyn walks over to the table and puts his books down, probably a bit harder than anticipated. "I hate time before my next class. And I'm guessing you want to apologize?" Robyn asks Hosea being a bit blunt about the whole thing. He's holding his tounge a bit though on what he wants to say for the moment, letting Hosea speak before he chooses if he should rip into him or not.
"I do," Hosea says. "I do not claim any defense for my actions on Friday," he tells Robyn. "I hurt you when you had done me no wrong." He purses his lips. "I understand dat you were only trying to help, but I treated you as an enemy. What I did was wrong. I can only ask your forgiveness."
Robyn shakes his head at Hosea. "No. Not for that. It's not just mee you attacked but David and Cloud and that girl. Sure that girl ended up summoning something that, I don't know what it was. You were probably right, it was demonic but you just attacked here on an assumption Hosea. That's not right. You went into this blind rage and that's what the issue was. Not that you attacked me, not that you turned on your friends, but like you didn't know right from wrong. You need to control that rage of yours." He says sounding a bit annoyed.
Hosea's unkindness is a rare event, but he doesn't try to use such as a defense. "I do not expect you to understand," he answers. "It is an old scar dat came to da surface." He places the pencil gently on the table, locking his fingers together before him. "I have for so long not had to worry about da past. When my old self is unchecked, it is a dangerous thing."
Robyn sits down at the table and sighs. "I don't understand Hosea but listening to you talk you're saying it's an old scar and it's unchecked. Have you ever sought help for your anger issues? For a way to control them? Cause it's gonna happen again and maybe you won't just hurt someone but kill someone."
"No," Hosea says. "It is not like dat." He takes a deep breath. "I have had help. It is not dat I have not been taught to put such things aside. It was my own carelessness dat led to dis coming back. But it was not anger." Sure looked like anger, but the African's outburst has a slightly different focus.
"Then what was it? You were in a blind rage Hosea. You call people friend, but friends don't choke slam eachother into the ground." Robyn is trying not to be so annoyed but he is. "So what's the deal Hosea? What is it that drives you to beat people and break limbs cause they say something you don't like if it's not anger?"
"When I was in Africa," Hosea explains. "I did many things I am not proud of." His voice is patient, but cautious as he tries to think of how it would be best to explain the matter so that he doesn't scare Robyn. "I was taught to behave like dat on instinct. When I see a threat, it comes back. I stop da threat. It is why I acted before da rest of you could understand why, and it is why I would not listen to anyone. I was a soldier. I was vedy good at what I did." Exactly what he did seems to be rather nefarious, but goes without a specific definition. Obviously things that were violent.
"And now you need help to teach yourself not to do that on instinct." Robyn says carefully back. "It's a horrible thing that you had to be a soilder over there, and I can't pretend to understand but when Connor first came here. He attacked me on instinct, and he sought help. If you don't work on this Hosea it's going to get worse. It was like that time in the mall when you wouldn't back down on Lucas. Sure both of you were wrong but you have to know that you can't fight over everything. You can't just attack. What happens when you realize you act on instint and kill someone who is just a stranger? No powers? No evil demons. Just a normal person. Are you going to use instintic and your past as an excuse?"
Hosea doesn't like the accusation that he has not had any preparation. "No!" His voice becomes more forceful, and one fist pounds the table with a heavy thud. "You do not know. I do not 'just attack' people. I did not attack Lucas, though dere I was vedy angry. In all da time I have been here, dat is what you see of me? Dat I just attack people? Did I attack you when you thought you were a ghost? No. Did I attack Lucas when his racism caused him to hate me without cause? No. Did I use my past as an excuse? No. I took my responsibility. I am not hiding from dis."
Robyn flinces as Hosea slams his fist on the table. "Then if you saw that girl again, or her body guards, would you apologize to them?" He asks honestly wondering that. "And honestly, I don't know you Hosea. I don't. I don't pretend to. But I do see that there is something wrong. I think you're dangerous, I'll be honest about that. You scare me after that. But instead of running, I'm being honest. I think you need help." Though he's vague on what kind.
The Nigerian slowly shakes his head. "No. I would not apologize to dem. I do not wish to ever see dem again. If dey stay away from me now, and away from you, it will be bettah. Dey are dangerous. My actions do not change what dey are. You have seen a weak demon I know," he tells Robyn, a finger pointing at him. "But da demon in Tegu-Haaz was no thing. He was weak. Da demons to be afraid of are like dat girl. Da demon in her is crafty, it parades as something good. It does not need to possess a person to cause evil."
"Hosea, before you came to this school several students and teachers were possessed by demons. My boyfriend was one of them. So was Lucas. I went with Rashmi and a few others to help her try to get Lucas back, we ended up getting captured and I'll spare you the details cause you don't need to know but..her..she wasn't like them. I've been face to face with demons. Could she be evil, yes. Could she be not evil, yes. That thing, was a a demon, probably. But I say probably Hosea, not a definate yes or no because we're assuming that. What is it that makes you one hundred percent positive that's what it was? What is it that makes you sure you're right and leaves no doubt in your mind. The thing is Hosea, you know -know-." Robyn says believing that Hosea is quite thick headed.
"If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it is a duck," Hosea answers. "I did not know dat demons attacked da school," he says. "But den you have seen enough to know dat demons are not a joke. You do not wait around and play games to decide whether dey are dangerous before you act. What I did was not right. I admit dat, but you should not be foolish and think dat my judgment was wrong. I come from a place where you only get to be wrong once." His hand lands flat on the table, though not as hard as earlier. "You are not da only one who has seen da devil. I was da devil."
"I never claimed I've seen the devil, hell I never claimed anyone else here hasn't Hosea. And you weren't the devil. Sure you're not perfect, you have issues, most of us have issues, but what are you doing to fix those issues? That's what I want to know." Robyn says as he might have took too round-a-bout of a way to ask that. "And I don't by that duck thing. Not for a second. Too many things seem like somethign and they're not."
Hosea is unimpressed, and has the same opinion of Robyn as Robyn does of his. "You do not know what I was. I learned of da something called holocaust." His look is serious and stern, a stopping force in itself. "If you can know dat, you will know a piece of what I was." A rather strong parallel to put himself in. "God has been working in a mighty way in my life. To Him be all da praise dat I am not what I once was. I had no power of my own, though my muscles are strong. He changes me every day, and I am constantly seeking to be more of a man dat he desiahs."
Now it's Robyn's turn to slam his hand down on the table. "I just keep hearing excuses from you Hosea. I don't hear what you're going to do about this. I don't see you making any attempt to even say you're going to fix your issues, you just keep giving excuses." He says. "And you know what Hosea, I've never done horrible things but you want a list of stuff that's happened to me? I'm not perfect, I'm messed up too but I've learned to deal with it and get help. Even when I've pissed my friends off to no end when I don't ask. I can't associate you with the holocaust cause it as a horrible event that killed missions of people. Unless you're telling me you've been through a concentration camp like that." Which might change Robyn's view a bit. "But you said you had no power of your own, but you do now. What are you going to do with that power now?"
Hosea stands up to his feet. "I am telling you, but you are not listening." He puts his math paper in his book, and the pencil, and then closes it as best it can with the pencil inside. "I am not getting in a contest wit you about who's life is worse. I learn more every day to be a man who honors God. I have a pastor who loves da Lord and teaches me. I have a mother who supports me and gives me counsel. I have dis school dat gives me opportunity to live a life outside of dat violence." He doesn't bother to describe what he meant by the holocaust comment. "I am not idle. I do not sit around playing video games and going to da markets." A clear contrast to what he sees from the student body at large. "I constantly work to drive sin from my life, which is more den I see from most of da people heah. But you can judge me if you wish, I do not care." He tucks the book under his arm, and starts walking toward the door
"There is no contest Hosea! And your'e not telling me anything but excuses." Robyn says with a sigh as Hosea gets up to walk away. "You know what Hosea, run away. Run away from this conversation cause you don't like it. Run away from what you did the other night. You need help, you need to get over your past and get -past- it. You didn't live an easy life but right now the only way I'm going to forgive you is for you do somethign about what you did then just say I'm sorry."
Hosea turns. "I am not running away, I have told you your answer. I will not bother myself with a fool who does not listen when I speak!" He's angry, obviously, and points at the ground with force as he speaks. "What do you want from me? To say I will go back in time? I cannot do dat you silly boy. I can only move forward and change who I am so dat my future decisions will be bettah. I have come to terms wit my past. It is my present dat I must now live in and change."
"I asked and you responded thta you have a scar from your past, that you didn't have power back then, something about the Holocaust, that you believe you were the devil. If you're trying to tell me that God is going to change you and by doing nothing God is going to do the work, I'm sorry Hosea, that isn't enough for me." Robyn says. "Listen..I'm upset because I want you to be a better person. I don't want to see you like that and where I do believe you are sorry and don't want to be that person, you can't just rely on one enitiy to help you. You need to help yourself and work with other people to help you. Listen..Dr. Parker-Mayfair is great and he helped me when I was going through some rough times."
Hosea shakes his head. "God is da only one who can help. It does not matter if you believe He is enough or not. Your silly American counselors cannot treat real problems. Dey think everything is in da head," he says, pointing to his own. "But it is not. Dis problem is of da spirit." His finger moves to his heart. "To deal wit da problems in da head is like painting a wall dat is rotting. It may look bettah, but it will still fall. I will deal wit da real problem, not wit da symptoms." And with that, he leaves.
