2011-09-12: Feeling A Failure


Jeremy_icon.jpg Robin_icon.jpg

Summary: Jeremy and Robin have a bit of a talk which ends with the two of them arranging a maybe date?

Date: September 12, 2011

Log Title: Feeling A Failure

Rating: PG

NYC - Battery Park

Located at the Southern tip of Manhattan, Battery Park faces New York Harbor. There are various statues along the paved paths of Battery Park. During the day various vendors can be found peddling their wears to the tourists of New York City. At night the park is usually empty, looking across the Harbor to the Hudson River, a beautiful view of The Statue of Liberty can be scene.

It's early evening in Battery Park. Most of the tourists have left for the day leaving a few people wandering around the park. Standing against the fence by the water is Jeremy. He's smoking a cigarette while watching the sunset behind the Statue of Liberty. Even thought it's summer he's dressed in a long sleeved shirt, gloves, long pants and a scarf around his neck, pushed down just enough from his face so he can smoke. Every now and then he looks around as if he's expecting someone.

Robin comes down to Battery Park, with her usual escort. Robin wears a pair of skinny jeans, a t-shirt, and an undone black fall jacket. She adjusts her glasses, with the one painted lens displaying an Egyptian eye, and she glances around. Blank, her puppet, glances around along with her, movement synched with hers as Robin searches, before they both begin heading in Jeremy's direction.

As he glances over his shoulder around the park for the umpteenth time, Jeremy spots the familiar form of Blank and Robin. A rare smiles passes over his face and the Japanese teen gives her a wave and walks over to where she is. "Robin, hey." He says happy to meet his friend in the park. "I'm glad we ran into each other, how have you been?"

Robin nods at Jeremy, smiles and offers him a wave in return, "Hey, Jeremy." She shrugs lightly and says, "I think I'm doing better now that the whole disastrous thing at my school has passed. I can finally relax and focus on scholastic things for awhile longer…"

Finishing off his cigarette, Jeremy shoves his hands in his pockets. "That's good to hear, I did hear that things were back to normal. We had that one girl at our school who was effected. So how's school been treating you so far?"

Robin shrugs and says, "Not too bad so far. I only have a couple academic classes this semester, since I took summer classes… It's a lighter load than I'm used to, and I'm not sure what to do with all the free time."

"Learn to dance?" Jeremy jokes around before nodding. "Yeah but I understand. I'm not sure what to do with my free time either. I end up spending a lot of it in the library studying just to kill time. Between classes and practice though I don't have a ton of free time.

Robin laughs and says, "Well, I could learn to dance, but are you telling me my moves aren't up to par?" She brushes some of her hair aside, as it's grown a bit longer since she recently got a short cut done, "I figure I'll fill up the time with option classes or independent studies with teachers or whatever."

"I…I honestly don't know." Jeremy says almost feeling like he failed at a joke. He doesn't realize she's joking back. "Uh…I don't dance so I don't know. I met up with Shane a few days ago, I was, uh, having some issues at school so we talked for a bit. She seems do be doing better in regards to kick. How about you, still having trouble at all?" After all Jeremy know how hard battling addiction can be.

Robin chuckles and says, "I don't think you've ever even seen me dance before, have you? I was just joking." She and Blank both tilt their heads for a moment and while Robin says, "Not really," Blank simply nods at the question. Robin pauses for a moment and looks towards her traitor puppet, and then back at Jeremy, "Well… a bit. I mean, I haven't, like, done any more kick or anything, but I still kinda really crazy it sometimes, that feeling. I dunno."

"It's expected I mean, I still have trouble too." Jeremy says. "There are a lot of times when I want to go back on drugs but I know I can't." He really doesn't want to go down that path again. "I..I'm enough of a failure at it is and three strikes I'm out, I want to finish school more." He says taking a hand out of his pocket and pushing back his long hair. "Don't worry, it's okay to be a little crazy sometimes. Crazy is probably better than failure."

Robin scratches her head and says, "I still… have my stolen scalpel, which I know is terrible, but it's not /as/ terrible, and it helps with the wanting." She bites her lip lightly and shrugs, "And you're not a failure. I swear, I failed so many times when I still had access to the Kick. I don't have the resources t'deal with that kind of thing."

Jeremy reaches out a hand and puts it on Robin's shoulder, offering her a smile. "Well if you need to see someone for help, there's no shame in that. At first I hated therapy but after a while, it was really nice where they sent me. Relaxing. I wish I go up there more often but I have to worry about school and deal with teachers like Mr. Daniels." There's a face made by Jeremy at the mention of the name. "Smoking helps me with the wanting."

"I guess it's easier to trade in for vices that're a little less worse. I mean, cutting, all it does it give me scars, but it doesn't have the same kind've effects as Kick probably does," says Robin, smiling awkwardly as she says that, and then she notes, "I know… I mean, I was seeing Dr. Parker-Mayfair about, um, other stuff before and I really should talk to him. And… who's Mr. Daniels?"

"Sometimes..it's nice to talk to someone. But then me saying it is a load of crap since I hate talking to people." Jeremy says quietly before sighing. "He's a teacher at our school, he seems to think taking medication will help me with my depression." He says with an eyeroll. "And he wants me to talk to him about it, like he's too nosey. Not everyone needs to hear my issues or remind me that I have them."

Robin nods and says, "Yeah, I guess it can be nice to talk to someone sometimes. I always feel like people're judging me all the time, I guess." She raises an eyebrow slightly at Jeremy's explanation of the teacher and says, "Well, I guess it's a military school, right? The teachers probably aren't really good with feelings. I'd rather someone listen than tell me to talk, though."

"I feel like that too." Jeremy says as he goes to take out another cigarette and fumbles with lighting it. "Stupid gloves." He mutters as he continues to flick the lighter. "I guess it comes from being homeless and knowing that people did judge me. I still feel like people can just see that I'm nothing, that I'm a failure and they know. I'd rather talk to someone when I feel like it though, I…" He just shakes his head. "I hate talking about it." He mutters as he starts to get frustrated with his lighter that won't light.

Robin reaches to take the lighter noting, "I can get that for you." If the offer's accepted, she gives Jeremy a light. "I think I know what you mean, though. On one hand, I really need to talk about some of my things, but… I don't really like to, and if I don't feel completely comfortable in that very moment…" she trails off.

It's reluctant but Jeremy lets Robin take the lighter from him and accepts the light. "Thanks. I usually don't have that much trouble but I just think I'm frustrated." He says taking a long drag. "I…I don't know who to talk to. I can talk to you and Shane okay but, do you ever wish you had a family that just cared? That you had someone like that?"

Robin moves to hand the lighter back to Jeremy and she nods, "Er, yeah… I wish that a lot of the time. I mean, I still love my parents, but it's not really mutual, I guess. I have my sister in the city, though, and she's good about everything at least."

"I honestly don't know if I love them anymore. Maybe I love who I thought they were?" Jeremy offers as he sinks down to the ground to sit there. "I haven't talked to my brother or sister since I left, I tried a few times but they always hung up the phone. I don't know if they're like them, if they hate mutants too. I just…they planned to have me killed, publicly and I….I can't handle that."

Robin sits down, Blank exactly mimicing the motions, and then nods, "Yeah… you really don't deserve that at all… I hope that your siblings didn't pick up on that kind of hate, but…" Robin trails off and then shrugs one shoulder, "They did you really very wrong. My dad hurt me, but that's not at all the same thing…"

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess Robin. I shouldn't be putting my problems on you." Jeremy says as he wipes at his eyes quickly. "I'm just a mess and I don't know where to begin putting myself back together." He looks up at her for a bit before sighing. "I'm sorry, people want friends they can have fun with not sit around and have their day be ruined because they are such a mess."

Robin shakes her head and says, "No, no, it doesn't really bother me at all, don't apologize. I'm not sure I'm the most fun in the world, myself, anyways!" She smiles and says, "And you seem to be handling putting yourself back together pretty okay. Piece by piece, right? Step by step."

Jeremy nods to Robin and takes a few deep breaths. "I'm trying, I am. It's hard." He whispers. "I wish I could remember how to have fun but I've forgotten. I guess I'm afraid." He then looks at her and smiles. "How about we try to do something together that's…not depressing? Like a movie or something."

Robin tilts her head and says, biting her lip lightly for a moment in thought, "I think a movie'd by nice. But not like a depressing movie, because that would completely defeat the point." She brushes her bangs aside slightly and then nods, "But yeah, that sounds like it'd be fun t'do."

"Well I know it sounds stupid but I think they just released the Lion King in theaters again?" Jeremy says nervously, running his hand back through his hair. "I haven't seen it since I was a really little kid." He looks over a Blank before looking back at Robin. "Maybe…I need to be a real teen again not just some homeless kid. I know I have a place to live now but I still feel like that homeless drug addict."

Robin scratches her head lightly and says, "Sometimes I kind've feel like that homeless kid, too. Though I haven't been homeless in a fair while, but yeah, I think doing regular teen things can push that feeling to the back at least… And Lion King sounds like it'd be fun! We weren't allowed to watch it at home, 'cause the monkey did witchcraft."

"Huh, he did?" Jeremy says as he doesn't really remember. "My parents were fine with it but I was a kid when I saw it." He says giving a smile. "I guess I just don't know how to not be that kid anymore, I don't do drugs anymore which is good though. I get three meals a day but I still feel like that hollow person."

"Well, I guess he did, I never actually watched it. My parents were, ummmm, uber religious," says Robin, shrugging and biting her lip lightly at that, "I guess I don't know how you can stop feeling like that person anymore, either. I mean, I guess it's something that's a part of you, but I guess just exploring other things that are part of you, maybe might help?"

"I grew up Christian but I don't know about uber religious?" Jeremy says trying to think about it. "We went to church and stuff but also there was a lot of um…Asian in my household? Everything was kinda planned out, it was very disciplined. We did what we were told and I didn't hate it. It was simple enough but I guess that with my parents telling us what we had to do to succeed and go to a good college and everything just got forced into my head. And now I look at my life and I just feel like I failed, at everything."

"Well, you're still alive and everything… which means you have plenty of opportunities where you won't fail at all, I guess," says Robin, exchanging a glance with Blank before looking back at Jeremy and giving an encouraging nod. "And my parents would've rather that I worked on trucks than been smart, I think."

Jeremy makes a face at that. "I can't see you working on trucks. It doesn't seem you. Maybe it's better that we're away from our parents." He says looking down at his finished cigarette. "I guess it's more the family I miss, the person telling me it's all going to be okay that I'm not as fucked up as I am. That…I don't know Robin, you're right. One thing I'm not is a quitter and I made sure I never quit surviving."

Robin says, "What do you mean? I'd be a fantastic truck repairing person. I'd attach pipes to nozzles to levers." Pause. "Yeah, I can't see it either… But I know what you mean, I miss that sense of family too. And I mean, I'd say the same thing people say to me, that you can let the people around you be sorta your kinda family… but I don't know how much that'd help."

Jeremy smiles and reaches over to put a hand on Robin's, gripping it if she'd let him. "Thanks, for everything Robin. It's nice to have a friend like you, really nice. Maybe I have to screw up my courage more and just get to know people. You're the only person I've ever opened up this much to."

Robin does not pull her hand away, allowing Jeremy to grip it, and she turns her head to smile and give a nod, "I'm really glad that you trust me enough to open up to me. It's nice knowing someone can trust me. And for the record, you don't ruin my day at all. I'm glad to be your friend."

Jeremy continues to hold onto her hand before a bit and nods. "Thanks. I do trust you, you're probably the first person since I left home. You and Vinny but he's going home to Australia for I don't know how long. Anyway this weekend we'll go out to a movie and a something just…fun. Don't let me complain okay?"

Robin nods and says very seriously, "I won't. Scout's honour." She smiles and says, "Besides, you won't have any time to complain with all the fun. I don't know this Vinny person, but sorry to hear that he's going back home."

"Sounds great." Jeremy says pushing himself up and then offering Robin a gloved hand to help her up. "I have to be going now, I'm still on a strict curfew at Barnes with the whole…you know." He says but he's not bitter or complaining about the curfew, he understands it completely. "I look forward to this weekend. Get home safe okay?

Robin gets up with Jeremy's help and she nods, "Yeah, I've gotta get back to Xavier's, too. I'll see you this weekend, take care Jeremy!"

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