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Summary: Robyn, Dallas and Lucas meet with predictable (and not so predictable) results.
Date: January 27, 2010
Log Title Forgiveness and the Lack Thereof
Rating: PG.
Xavier Mansion - Observation Deck
Glass windows surround the circular room giving a full view of the school grounds. Two telescopes sit in front of the window for students to looks at the stars. A few comfortable chairs are placed up here for students to relax. Its a quite place up here that allows the fresh air in through sky vents in the summer and is well heated in the winter.
It is quiet in here. Mostly dark, as Dallas is looking up at the sky through the glass panes, reclined in one of the chairs. He's waiting for someone he knows will either show up here or in the art room eventually. All it will take is patience. Dallas is wearing a school t-shirt and a pair of jeans over sneakers and his hands and folded over his stomach as he looks up at the red sky, lit by the infernal fires in the city, so far away. His expression is thoughtful and for the moment, peaceful.
Lucas quietly steps up to the doorway. He's wearing a pair of Xavier sweats and a floppy, loose Predators jersey. His giant gloves are on his hands, and he shuffles his feet for a moment, before saying, softly, hesitantly, "Hey."
Dallas tenses at that voice and his shadow flows up over him in a dark shell that ripples and changes as he stands to face Lucas. After a moment and with a great effort of will, he forces it down and away. His expression is nearly as dark. "Lucas." It's cool and precise. Not a welcome or a greeting. Just recognition. "Did you need something?"
Lucas sighs, and looks down at Dallas' feet. "Nothin' Ah'd expect you to give… Ah just…" He swallows, "Ah… um…" He furrows his brow. Looks like he might bolt, beginning to second guess being here.
Dallas rubs the back of his neck. "What do you /want/, Lucas?" He seems genuinely perplexed and angry at the thought that the other young man could want anything at all. He's standing in front of a chair in the semi-dark facing Lucas and his voice is just beginning to rise. The hesitant look on Lucas's face and his demeanor just seem to make Dallas more angry. "Are we back to playing games again?"
Lucas sighs again, looking out the window instead of at Dallas. "Ah want your forgiveness, Dallas, Ah just…" He swallows, and looks at Dallas finally. "Ah just know better than to waist my time askin' for it."
Dallas shakes his head and says, "Seriously? Go ask Coyote's parents for it. All you did to me is point out my flaws. You're an object lesson, Lucas. Not somebody I need to forgive or even hate. You're a /reminder/." His voice is cold with fury at that. "Waste your time trying to convince everybody else that you didn't have a choice or something. I'll be the one watching and waiting for next time. And doing better."
Lucas furrows his brow, "What are…" He looks confused and tilts his head, "What did Ah do?" he then asks, a little worry in his voice.
Dallas tries to fight down his shadow as he yells, "You /killed/ people, Lucas. Coyote. Just normal people. A stupid minimum wage security guard. More than that. For fun. What, are you going to claim you don't remember, now?" He folds his arms across his chest. "Wow. That's really convenient."
Lucas doesn't say anything, instead, he just looks down, ashamed. He sighs, purses his lips, and then looks at Dallas. "Ah need your help."
Dallas blinks and his voice comes back down. He puts his hands at his sides in an attempt not to clench them. "What?" The question is both low and sharp. Dallas's expression is angry enough that it's probably a good thing he's not calling to his shadow at the moment.
There's a ding of the elevator and Robyn walks out and he stops looking like a deer in headlights. He's not sure if he wants to turn around and go back to the art room, but he knows that the can't hide his presence. He just stops and waves at the two. "Hey." He says, standing in front of the elevator awkwardly. He doesn't know if Dallas is mad at him or not.
Lucas turns, looking back at Robyn, and he sighs. He looks at Dallas then, and shakes his head. "Forget it." He turns, "Ah should go." He steps to move around Robyn to go to the elevator.
Dallas glares at Lucas's retreating back. Robyn gets an annoyed 'we're going to talk' look, but nothing like the emotion he has for Lucas at the moment. He taunts, "Forget it?" He pauses and asks, still in that acid tone, "Is that what you're going to be doing?"
Robyn puts an arm out to stop Lucas from leaving. "Lucas, I can leave you two alone if you want to talk but if it means anything…" He beings at the risk of thinking he'll just get Dallas even more mad at him. "I don't blame you, for anything that happened. You weren't yourself. That's all I wanna say, I'll go now."
Lucas looks at Robyn, a little confused. "You never liked me, Robyn. You don't have to give me the pity friendship. Really, it's okay. Ah'll manage." He doesn't say that with any venom or bitterness. It's just how it is. He looks at Dallas, "Dallas. Ah'm still tired. Just… do me favor and decide, okay. Do you want me to stand here and talk to you or not?"
Dallas shakes his head at Robyn. "You. Stay. We're going to talk about why I got called in to the Danger Room today sooner or later." His voice is firm on that one. He looks back to Lucas and gives the other young man a long look. "How about this: you talk. And make whatever you say really what you /want/ to say. Because after this, I probably won't want to hear from you again." He shrugs and says, "It beats wanting to kick your head in every time I see you."
Robyn freezes in place and sighs, nodding. He's nervous about talking to Dallas, really nervous. Why did he let Jono talk him into coming back. "Lucas, I'm not trying to give you pity friendship, I'm not even trying to give you friendship but I'm letting you know, at least two people in the school don't blame you for what happened."
Lucas nods a little at Robyn, and then turns to look at Dallas. "You were the only friend Ah had here. Ah know you don't think that. Hell, it prolly don't even make sense to you, but…" He shakes his head, "There are things Ah can't talk to Rashmi about. Things Ah hoped… Ah thought you'd be able to understand. Ah'm tired of bein' angry all the time. Ah'm tired of hating things about who Ah am. Ah'm tired of not bein' strong enough to fix the things that matter to me. It's… Ah just…" He closes his mouth, shaking his head. "We aren't so different. And no one else really gets it. Ah'm not like you. Ah can't do this alone."
Dallas winces as Lucas goes on. More than once. His expression goes set and grim and he finally says, "I don't know what this thing is about you not being responsible for what you did. People keep saying that but nobody explains it. But I know /I'm/ responsible for everything you did /after/ that night at the zoo, Lucas. So I understand guilt. And anger. But I'm pretty sure we both /should/ hate ourselves for what we've done." He shrugs. "It can't be that easy. People can't just get hurt and die and have us go 'my bad' and walk away."
Robyn feels like he shouldn't be here for this conversation, he's not sure what to say or if it's his place. He just lets the two vent and looks back at the elevator. He really wants to escape the room right now.
Lucas shakes his head, "Every ounce of guilt you feel, Ah feel twice as bad. Ah AM sayin' my bad, but Ah was… Ah was also askin' you to help me not do it again."
Dallas sighs and says, "You don't need to ask. I'm making /sure/ I can stop you next time." He looks to Robyn and adds, flatly, "Even if some people don't like the idea. Like, for instance, Dr. Parker-Mayfair." He looks back to Lucas and frowns, deeply. "How much do you claim you remember? Or not."
Robyn looks down as Dallas says that. "Well, I wasn't planning on be back here." He says as he was thinking he was going to be far away by this time. Damn Jono. "Dallas, if you're mad at me let me know, and I'll go and not bother you any more. I don't care if you hate me for what I did, but…I had to."
Lucas furrows his brow, "Claim." He sighs. "That means no matter what Ah tell you, you've already decided. So it don't matter." He looks at Robyn, "Forget it. He'd rather be mad." Lucas then presses the elevator button.
Dallas waves Robyn's objections away. "It doesn't matter. I'm going to do what I'm going to do. Ok, the other team sees the pass coming now. Still doesn't mean I can't nail it. You're fine. I know why you did it." Which is as close to being magnanimous as Dallas is probably ever going to get. He looks back to Lucas and says, "Yea, I would. Because it will keep me sharp. And dude, you've been screwing with me and lying to me from /day one/. You don't get to act like it's a surprise I don't trust you."
Robyn walks over to a chair and sits down, not looking at either. What's between him and Lucas is between the two of them. "Whatever Dallas, do what you want. When everything is over I'm still leaving, just later than intended." He leaves it at that and he keeps his eyes focused on the ground. "I'm…done with this place."
Lucas glances at Robyn, "Great. Now Ah'm back down to one not blaming me in this place." He sighs, and looks at Dallas. "That's not really true. You think it is. Ah reckon that's fair, but… No." He looks back at Robyn, a thinking face creasing his brow before he says, "If you leave, Ah leave too."
Dallas arches his eyebrows at Robyn and asks, simply, "Where are you going to go?"
Robyn looks at Lucas and sighs. "Do what you want Lucas, and one person not blaming you? Does Rashmi blame you too?" Since Robyn doesn't, he can't. "I am leaving though. When everything is over I'm going home. I'm not coming back, I don't want to come back. I don't even want to be here now but I made a promise to Jono."
Lucas sighs, and leans against the wall, letting the other two talk it out.
Dallas shrugs and says, "You trained enough not to get eaten alive? And willing to give up training before you learn how to protect your family all the way? Doesn't sound smart. Especially These days." Another faux-casual nod. "Your choice, though."
"I make my choices and you make your Dallas, it's as simple as that." Robyn says a bit more coolly than he intended. "We might not agree with each other but I have to do what I think will help me. I made a promise to Jono, that's the only reason I'm back." Otherwise he'd be well past Albany by now, headed either further north or west. "And who cares if I'm trained or not, I'm not going to be a super hero, it's not what I want to be. Powers don't mean shit right now."
Lucas stares out the window. Very quietly, almost a whisper, he flatly says, "Powers mean everything…"
Dallas shrugs and says, "If the demons stay, /somebody/ has to protect your family. If not you, who?" He nods to Lucas, looking grim. "Yea. I guess we should know." He starts towards the elevator himself. "I just wanted to find you to tell you I'm not mad, Robyn. And to see if you were ok. If you want to talk let me know." He glances Lucas and says, "I'm not like the rest of them, I don't trust you. But I will be watching."
"Powers don't mean everything!" Robyn snaps, stopping himself and closing his eyes. "Sorry, I didn't mean to yell but they don't. I don't want powers anymore, I want to be normal, I want to go back to normal high school and get picked on again. At least it's easier when you know you don't like them and it doesn't matter. I'm going to be an artist, not some hero." He eventually looks at Dallas and shakes his head. "I can't talk to you right now, you won't listen." He says shrugging apologetically.
Lucas turns his head, watching Dallas go. He just says, "Predators play at 8 tomorrow. Ah'll be in the rec room if you wanna watch." He looks at Robyn, curious that the boy's staying.
Dallas just shrugs at one or both of them, apparently not wanting to argue or open that can of worms from Lucas. He gets into the elevator, lets the door close and then sighs deeply, punching the basement level button. Apparently he has more frustrations to get rid of now than his Danger Room run can compensate for. Another workout, coming up.
Robyn watches Dallas leave and once the elevator doors close he punches the seat of the chair he's sitting on in frustration. "Sorry." He says to Lucas and gets up to go over to the elevator and hits the button but with Dallas going down it's going to take awhile.
Lucas rotates, still leaning on the wall, so he's facing Robyn. "Powers are everything. Whether you like it or not. Even if you become an artist, bro. You'll still always ALSO be someone with powers. You can't run from the shit they bring you. Believe me." He swallows, "The cost is too high."
Robyn looks at Lucas and clenches his teeth. "Screw you Lucas, don't talk to me about costs being too high. Do you how much I've been through in the last week? Do you?! I'm tired of it Lucas. Dallas and I were supposed to hang out today, go into Salem Center, maybe forget about all the shit that's gone on for about ten minutes but that can't even happen. Instead I had to go destroy our friendship cause I'm too worried about him. If running makes this all disappear, I'll run as fast as I have to. I'm not you, I'm not Dallas, I don't care how strong I am, I just can't deal with this anymore. You haven't had to watch your friends fall apart at the seams while trying holding yourself together. Maybe you were lucky to be like you were, you haven't had to /really/ see the effects. Me, I just can't take it anymore Lucas. I can't. Not today."
Lucas furrows his brow, thinking a moment. Again, his tone soft and careful. "No. Ah didn't watch them fall apart. Ah tore them apart. Burned one alive." He sighs, "Robyn, you ain't like me. You're better than me." He folds his arms over his chest. "No. Ah don't know what you been through the past week. Ah'm sorry if'n any of it's my fault, believe that or not. Whatever. Just…" He pauses, thinking. "You can't run from your powers."
Robyn shakes his head. "But you weren't you Lucas. It wasn't you doing it, it was that….thing…that demon that took you over. I don't know how many people are going to understand that, but it's the truth. You, Jordan, Nathaniel, it happened to all of you. I've lost my boyfriend and my best friend in a matter of days, you still have Rashmi to stand by you. You're lucky. Me, you're right, maybe I can't run away from my powers, but I can run away from here. When I get the chance, I'm not looking back."
Lucas says, "A year ago, Ah was normal. No glowy hands." He looks out the window as he slowly recollects. "My paw… He… He was… Well, he brought a box what was radioactive into our home. It's… Complicated. But…" He glances back at Robyn. "When it was all over, he was dead. My maw is now lyin' in a hospital two spits from dead with cancer. And my hands glow. Ah got powers. My maw got cancer." He swallows, tilting his head a little. "Maybe Ah wasn't myself. But… Before Ah was… possessed… Ah was approached by the demon. He… He looked like an angel, not a demon, but…" He sighs, running his glove through his long hair. "He offered to cure my maw if Ah helped him. And Ah agreed. So…" He chews his lip, now, nervous or angry or just uncomfortable. "No, Ah didn't do those things, but… But Ah sold myself out and let it happen. So… Every bit of hate everyone has for me… Ah DO deserve. Not the way they think, but Ah do. Ah thought Ah could run away. We can't, Robyn. We have to do better. And we can't do it alone."
Robyn looks at Lucas and shakes his head. "Why do you want to be blamed? You did it to save your mother? How can anyone blame you for that?" After all Rashmi told him that his mother was dying. "I'm sorry about your father though. See, I've never experienced death of someone before, I've never been more scared of losing someone I love before, or scared at all. I've never been scared like this at all. I've never felt so helpless and alone despite all the people around me." Why he's opening to Lucas, he's not sure. Maybe it's just he's there and they don't really have a history together, maybe it's that Robyn doesn't blame him for what happened and to him, the fight feels like it was eons ago. "I turn seventeen today Lucas, things aren't supposed to be this way on your Birthday."
Lucas sighs, and nods. "Powers are everything. Every birthday. Every holiday. Hell, my hands showed up on prom night. These powers are part of you. And, maybe that sucks for you. It does me." He shrugs, "Anyway, Ah don't WANT to be blamed. Ah just understand it." He stands there, silent, for a long moment, before he looks down at the floor, and says, quieter, "Ah can't remember NOT feeling afraid." He sighs once more, and looks over at Robyn. "Ah want to feel something else. Anything else. But Ah don't know if Ah can." He puts his giant, warm gloved hand on Robyn's shoulder. "Happy Birthday."
Robyn finally gives a small smile and nods. "Thanks. I'm sorry , for everything you're going through. Rashmi was right, you're a nice guy under it all. You should let people see the real you more, you'd make more friends." He means it too. He looks at Lucas and gives him an amused smile before leaning up and planting a small kiss on him. "That's for good luck with handling everything, but I just cause I don't blame you for the other stuff, don't think I've forgiven you for making out with my boyfriend." If he's teasing, it's hard to tell as he heads to the elevator to go down to the art room.
Lucas responds after he tells him to let more people see the real him. "It's easier to be hated than to lose who you love." when Robyn kisses him, he furrows his brow. Didn't see that coming. And then his head tilts about making out with his boyfriend. "Making out…?" He shakes his head a little, "Ah don't… Ah don't know what you're talkin' about…?"
