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Summary: Nick tries to talk to Hilde about what's been bothering him and about the riot at Mutant Town.
Date: May 25, 2012
Log Title: Frustration
Rating: R
Xavier Mansion - Observation Deck
Glass windows surround the circular room giving a full view of the school grounds. Two telescopes sit in front of the window for students to looks at the stars. A few comfortable chairs and couches with a few tables are placed up here for students to relax. There's a door off to one of the sides that leads up to the attic above here.
It's late in the evening and most kids are in bed, though it seems that one can't sleep and is sitting in one of the couches in the observation deck. It's been a rough couple days for Nick, some things have gotten better but other's haven't. He's flipping through a book, obviously not reading it but just kind of skimming the pages before going to the next.
Hildegarde has heard that a few of the astudents who were involved in the Embassy riot weren't adjusting well to the stress of that incident. The woman asked a few of the students if they had seen Nicholas recently and finally got a location from someone who had seen him up in the observation deck area. She slowly ascends the stairs, trying to be as quiet as a thousand pound woman can be while walking up stairs. She stops at the top and looks out a window to the south. The lights of the city are reflecting in the clouds there, causing the sky to glow. "Nicholas? You up here?" The woman is wearing slippers and a pink bathrobe over some sort of sleepwear. Her hair is down, and still slightly damp from a recent shower.
Nicholas is still dressed in his jeans and t-shirt that he was wearing earlier, at least he's been in class all week unlike last week. Upon hearing the voice he looks over at Hilde and waves. "Yeah, couldn't sleep. Thought I'd find my way up here." He says putting down his book, The Great Gatsby, required reading. "If you want me back in the dorms, I can go back to my room, just didn't want to bug Ahmed.
Hildegarde continues further into the room and presses a hand against the window, squinting her eyes as she looks out into the darkness. "No, it is fine. If you can't sleep, you can't sleep. And you're indoors, so that's good enough for me." She turns and smiles at the boy. "How have you been? Are you recovering well from your…Trip to Mutant Town?'
Nicholas shrugs a shoulder. "I'm never going into New York City again if that answers that question." He says seriously. "I'm doing better now that Jill's back but it just seemed to make the nightmares worse. Haven't slept well in months but it was pretty much like when I got here." Other words, not so well.
Hilde sighs and walks over toward the boy, sitting down on the floor a short ways away. "Well, you certainly shouldn't give up on the city that quickly. You got caught up in a freak incident that…Well it's rare for that sort of thing to happen. And no one got SERIOUSLY hurt…I think. Well none of our students at least. Some of those Embassy people tend to take it a little rough though…" She shakes her head, "Anyway…Yes I have been meaning to visit Jill. I hope she is well? And what is this about nightmares? Jill has caused them to get worse? Or the incident with the riot?"
"Jill's…..recovering." Nicholas says before letting out a sigh. "Actually I don't know if she can ever 'recover'. She's a Vampire now." He leans forward, looking at the ground. "But that's not what's causing the nightmares. The riots did, it just reminded me of the people who tried to kill me and did kill my parents and Bodie. But cause Taylor and Cale were their the nightmares weren't just watching my Mom and Dad die, but my friends here too. Only time I got a good night sleep since I got here was cause of the drugs after Envy stabbed me. I guess I can thank her for that."
"Ah yes…Well I do teach mythology, you know. I'm sure there are up-sides to being a Vampire." But she is unsure of this. Once Jill has had some time to adjust Hilde will ask her a few things. Maybe even get a new book out of the material! "And everyone is concerned about their friends and family. The best way to belay your fears is to prepare yourself for situations like that. Why just a few days after I got you guys back from the Embassy Cale took an extra Danger Room session. Not only does it train your mind and body, it helps you work off some stress."
Nicholas rubs his forehead in frustration. "Why do you keep acting like I haven't seen it first hand before? It doesn't matter what you do, those type of people will hate you no matter who you are? Be prepared…what's their to be prepared for that they haven't already done to me. I'd be concerned for my family if I didn't already know they were dead." He says sounding just as frustrated as he looks. "I'm also practicing on learning how to make shields. I don't want to watch anyone I care about get hurt or killed again."
Hilde has a grim look on her face. "Yes, well many people have suffered like you have. My family also was killed. Well…My parents were killed anyway. And I suspect that it was my own sister who did it. I know you don't want to hear it, but it WILL get easier with time. And through getting familiar with your abilities you will be better able to protect those around you. So yes. Being prepared now may not fix what happened in the past, but it will help if a similar situation presents itself in the future." She breathes out. "And making shields sounds specifically like something used to protect those around you."
Nicholas grits his teeth and takes a few deep breaths. "The only reason they didn't kill me to was because my powers stopped it. I don't know how." The bitterness is evident in his voice. "I'm sorry about your parents and sorry about your sisters." He sounds grumpy but yet sincere about it. "Just seeing that hate in Mutant Town just brought it all back, I couldn't breath or focus on what was going on. I panicked. I don't want to have to deal with people like them the rest of my life. They ruined it enough didn't they?!"
Hilde frowns. "Yes. They did ruin it enough. But you can't punish yourself for the actions of others. And you can't avoid the city forever and seclude yourself in the school. Those people are bad. But they don't represent EVERYONE in the city. And if you hold in all that fear and hate…Well you're going to end up like Envy or Magneto or one of the other mutants who has no regard for life."
"So New York City is the end all be all of the world?" Nicholas asks dryly. "I didn't say I'm never leaving the school, just that I'm never going to New York City again. I'll still go into Salem Center, after all I can't keep Orion restricted to only school grounds." Orion would probably bite him out of boredom of the same area. "I just can't deal with something like that again Ms. Hilde and it's -because- I have a regard for life that I can't deal with it."
Hilde flushes slightly. "Ah, I suppose I misunderstood your intentions. But trust me when I say that New York is one of the safest places for mutants. Outside of Genosha of course…But the world is…It is slow to adapt to us. New York City has always served as a haven for minorities. If you want to go somewhere where your friends can walk the streets and not be concerned about looking like a mutant, THAT is the place to do it."
"It doesn't matter where you are, and it doesn't matter what you look like, I was in the -middle of nowhere- North Dakota, no one seemed to care I was a mutant for years until the decided to come and ruin it. I wasn't hurting anyone." Nicholas says. "And just dealing with that again brought it all flooding back. I don't want to go back there."
Hilde frowns again. "Well no one is going to FORCE you to go into the city again. But you might miss out on a lot by not going there." A silence. "What DO you want? When you think about the people who hurt your family. The people who attacked you in Mutant Town…What do you think about when you remember these things? How do the people who attack mutant make you feel?"
"How do you think I feel? Pissed off!" Nicholas says clenching his fists. "I want to get back at those…those…jerkoffs who did they did. I want to see them in jail or worse, they're murderers, sadistic murderers. What do I think about? My parents are dead, I had to leave my entire life, runaway from it. What I think about is how much I hate the whole goddamn situation!"
Hilde's expression is difficult to read. She didn't NOT expect such an answer. "And when you think about them in jail or worse. Do YOU want to hunt them down and bring them to justice? Do you ever think about causing harm to anyone for what has happened in the past?" His words sound dangerously close to something someone from the Brotherhood or MLF would say.
"I…I don't know. I'd love to at least give them the beating they gave me." Nicholas says before shaking his head. "No..not really just…why me? There are tons of other mutants out there and was it because I was actually happy and people didn't seem to care that I was a mutant? And you tell me you never think about revenge on your sisters for what happened to your parents."
Hildegarde shakes her head. "Revenge is dangerous. Do you want to turn out like Dingo? Do you think he's a great guy? Or what about the woman who stabbed you? I suspect they run on similar emotions to the ones you would act on." She shakes her head, "Who knows why it happened to you. Maybe bad timing? And yes you and your friends got hurt, but I hear that a few mutants were saved because of you guys' actions. If you WEREN'T there people could have died." Another pause. "And my sister…Well she's my sister. If I wanted to get revenge on her I would have done so already."
"I have no clue who that is." Nicholas says as he's not current on the villains and heroes of New York City. "You know what, screw it. I'm gonna head back to my dorm now. I should try to get a bit of sleep before I wake up Ahmed in the middle of the night. Also I should visit Jill if she's still awake, make sure she's holding up. Have a good night." He says as he hits the button to the elevator.
Hilde holds up a hand as though she is about to explain the problems these people have caused, but instead she decides to let the boy head to bed. "Good night then. I am sorry if I did not make you feel better. This sort of thing…It is not my forte." She offers a sad smile to the boy as the elevator arrives, turning back to look out the window once more.
