Players:
Summary: Heather and Robyn talk about Connor and the missing students.
Date: October 17, 2012
Log Title: Getting Through
Rating: PG
Xavier Mansion - Art Room
The Art Room has pictures of classic artists and small sculptures of famous pieces of art around the room. Any art supply you need may be found in this room, a large variety of paints, charcoals, markers, pencils, clays, canvases, easels, paper, and much more are accessible for the students. A large kelm is in one of the far corners of the room as well. On one side of the art room are a few sewing machines with a large variety of fabrics and sewing supplies for the students as well.
Even though he's been back at the school for the last month, Robyn really hasn't been seen. He's been hiding in the room they've provided for him or the art room late at night, which is why he's in the art room now - it's midnight. A lump of clay that's obviously been poked at and seems to have started taking shape of a wolf just sits in front of him, drying and cracking. He sits in front of it, starting, with his head resting in his arms as the sounds of Depeche Mode's 'Home' play through the room. To say Robyn looks tired is an understatement.
Heather also looks like she is a bit tired, despite the bags over her eyes not being visible due to the tinted goggles that she wears as part of her Timeslip uniform, which likely means she's come out of the Danger Room or some similar sort of situation. The goggles do not cover her eyes for long, as she raises them at the sight of Robyn. "Robyn… are you okay? You seem weary…"
Robyn looks up at Heather and smiles. "Hey Heather. I'm managing, if that's the same as okay. Just worried about Connor is all. It's been about a month." He says reaching a finger forward to poke at the clay. "And being back here is weird, I miss the cats and I miss living with Connor and Rashmi and I'm worried, really worried." He pushes himself up and looks over at Heather. "How's everything with you?"
Heather sits down next to Robyn and nods a few times rapidly, "I worry as the time passes. It has been almost a month since I found out from my perception," which is to say five days or so, "and I am not fond of waiting. I worry about Connor as well, I cannot stand the thought of him captured and in danger." She shakes her head and looks down, "I have been doing otherwise okay. I made a trip out to Europe, and discovered that I loathe planes, I just wish I did not come back to this."
"In three days it will be exactly a month." Robyn says furrowing his brows together. "You only found out five days ago? How? And what were you doing in Europe?" He looks back over at his clay and sighs. "I think that's another hopeless project…they broke into the apartment and Connor surrendered to save Rashmi and I before pushing us through one of his portals….I didn't want to leave him."
"After everything that happened with Quenton… It was disturbing, I felt rather powerless. I am not a person who takes being powerless very well… I only returned about five days ago, I went to Europe just for a change. I've been here a long time, and being in that place made it feel all the longer…" says Heather through her mounted speakers, putting her hands on her knees. "You had spoken sometimes of leaving this place, like you were eager to see other things. I've spent, by my perception, getting to more than one and a half decades here. And I read stories of people going to Europe to find themselves. It seemed a normal thing to do. I have not told anyone, but I have gained some control over the timeshift. While it takes some concentration, I was able to shorten the plane ride, for the first time in my life, it was a viable option… Needless to say, I did not find myself, and I find myself powerless again. I need to do something."
Robyn nods at Heather's words. "I heard there were others taken but I really only know Connor. I feel bad for the other kids as well but Connor doesn't have his meds and he…I really don't know what I'd do without him Heather." He confesses. "I've never been to Europe but finding yourself…I don't know. I'm glad you are starting to get a handle on the time control. Did you at least enjoy your time there? See anything new?"
"It was different than here, but I guess I do not react to novel situations in the way that some might… it was nice at the time to get away, but I do not like the results," says Heather, shaking her head, "And I know. I care about Connor. I have never been able to express that properly, and I think most find my difficulty relating to emotions frustrating… I do not like him being out there. And I worry about Quenton. He has been through much, and I do not want to fail him again…"
Robyn rests his head back down on the table and turns his head to face Heather. "I've never been to Europe, I'd like to go to England or something someday…maybe when Connor's back and he's feeling better. I know he's going to need friends after this. So whose Quenton and what do you mean by failing him again? Why is he such a responsibility to you?"
"He is a student here. I tried to help him, when his family was taken… I want to be there for the students, to give them assurance that someone is always working to solve these kinds of issues, but it all turned out wrong. His sister is all I could save… his Aunt and Uncle were killed. His brother and mother, turned to vampires. And his father… Quenton lost control… I could not stop it from happening." While Heather is not particularly expressive, when an emotion manages to creep into her facial expression, it can seem amplified as the expression of guilt crosses her features. "He has been through so much, Robyn."
Robyn reaches a hand out and takes Heather's in his own, squeezing it gently but not letting go. "Heather…I'm sorry he's had to go through all this, all that sounds horrible but he's with Connor okay? It's like what Rashmi taught me you have to have hope, hope that they're all fine. You have to hold onto hope. Also you can't blame yourself for this happening Heather, it's not your fault. You can be worried, you can feel sad or someone but you can't carry guilt on things you can't control."
Heather's eyes shift towards Robyn for a few moments and she nods a few times, "I know, that is what people tell me. I do not deal well with the idea that there are situations that I cannot control, which I am aware is fallacious thinking, and yet it is still there. I am holding out hope, however, but to me, hope has never been enough. I have to take action, whether or not that action is futile."
"Heather." Robyn says still holding onto her hand. "When we were in that whole mess with your parents, things worked out didn't they? And when Rashmi was kidnapped in Africa and with every other thing that's gone horrible in our lives, they've always worked out. It's always darkest before the dawn, but when that dawn comes, it's beautiful. We can't have control over everything, we never can. You're never going to be able to stop blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault if you can't accept that. There's a difference between knowing and accepting."
Heather nods a few times and says, "I know, these things worked out, but much of it worked out due to actions. Things that we or others did… I understand and believe that things will work out, but to be idle makes me very anxious. You've known me since I've arrived at this school, you know that I have difficulty standing idle with anything. I will try to accept that some things are out of my control but it is difficult. I often ruminate upon situations and wonder 'what if'."
"Action isn't always going out and playing the hero." Robyn says to Heather giving her a small smile. "Sometimes action is just being there for a friend when they need you. Maybe we can't run in and be the hero, but what we can do is let them know things will be okay. Like Rashmi, I couldn't run off to Romania or Africa but I could be there for her when she got back. That action is just as strong, if not more. As for the What if, We always think about the what if, I'm thinking about the what if I never see Connor again but I can't hold onto the bad what if's, I have to hold on to the hopeful what if's."
Heather nods a couple of times and says, "I understand what you mean. I guess it brings me some dissonance to sit back and wait to be here. I do not properly express my feelings. I am not good at, like you or Rashmi are good at, being a warm happy face to come back to. Perhaps it would be best to try… still, I think I will have to try and do what I can. Perhaps I should just not set the bar so high…"
Robyn shakes his head. "It's not about setting the bar high, it's about realizing what you can and can't do Heather. Believe me it sucks that I can't go to wherever Connor is and rescue him, I want to so badly. Instead I've been working on putting together a video in response to what's happened, like Rashmi did. I wanted to get several mutants to tell their story but right now it's just Sophie and me so it's kind of a useless project with two of us, I don't know."
Heather frowns for a few moments and says, "I have looked at my social media upon returning, and I have noted that you were working on that, but… I would contribute, but my life is what is wrong with the mutant community. I do not think I could properly relay my story without casting a shadow on mutantkind, which I think is the exact opposite of the intent… I know that those with great power can bring great suffering."
"I know Heather, that's why I didn't ask you. You'd be a great example for them on why mutants shouldn't have kids." Robyn says with a frown. "Not that I'm saying there isn't anything wrong with you, I think you're a great person and you are a great friend. It's just your parents are assholes." He is trying to be a bit humourous in that to break some of the dark mood. "Sorry, just, I miss Connor so much."
"I know… Connor is a good man," says Heather, fiddling with one of her pieces of recording machinery, "I had hoped to see him upon my return, but… I suppose he will have to wait until later." She offers a thin smile that doesn't touch her eyes, "You are right about my parents, however. I'm not even sure what they were thinking with having me. It's mysterious to me. They are assholes any way you cut it."
Robyn stands up and offers a hand to Heather. "I think I'm gonna try to get some sleep, I've been sleeping poorly, obviously, and I want to call Rashmi in the morning. You going to be okay by yourself?"
Heather looks up and reaches to take Robyn's hand, concentrating in order to slow her twitches and movements as she accepts his help. "I will be okay. I always am." She bows her head in a polite nod towards Robyn, "In retrospect, I apologize that I was not more of a support while you are down. I know this is a hard time for you as well. If you would like to talk to me, I am present now." "For whenever you would like or need to," adds Heather.
Robyn nods. "Thanks Heather, I just don't really know what else to say that you already don't know or are feeling yourself. I have to make that wolf statue for him, so when he gets back I can have something for Connor." Robyn then goes to give Heather a hug. "The same goes for you, anytime you need me, I'm here for you."
Heather returns the hug, holding it for an unusually long time for her, about a normal hug duration, before pulling back and nodding, "I will keep that in mind. I hope that you sleep well, Robyn, or sleep at all."
