2010-11-07: Goodbye Bear


Heather_icon.jpg Robyn_icon.jpg

Summary: Heather helps a ghost to move on and Robyn to become himself again.

Date: November 7, 2010

Log Title: Goodbye Bear

Rating: PG

Tegu-Haaz - The Slaughtered Lamb

Outside the wooden sign displaying a Wolf's Head on a pike along with the name 'The Slaughtered Lamb' swings in the breeze of the run down old pub. Inside the wooden floors creak as extra weight is applied and the smells of lingering alcohol and tabacco smoke permeate the air. Oil lanterns are hung on the walls circling the pub to provide light the patrons while the walls are marked with old tally marks from games long ago played. Behind the bar are old barrels of wine and ale, an hearth for cooking up meals and a layer of dust is caked onto the dishes. Long tables that can sit at least ten people each are still sturdy but some are turned over while the chairs are scattered across the place. A second hearth with ash from long ago still sitting in it is built against one of the sidewalls for light, heat and additional cooking. If one were to search the pub they might find food that is mysteriously still edible..

After having made a decision for how she wanted to approach Robyn, after what she thought was a suboptimal result with Leo, Heather is setting up two chairs next to the resting place of the teddy bear, which has a note saying, 'Do not touch. -Heather Brown, codename: Timeslip' next to it. She's currently wearing David's cybershades, even though they are non-operational, and sitting on one of the chairs holding the wax case on her lap.

Robyn hasn't been that far from the bear but sometimes he's been in the pub and sometimes just outside. It's always within a quarter mile. The ghostly teen dressed in white shirt and pants and has bare feet walks into the Slaughtered Lamb through the wall closest to where the bear is. Seeing Heather sitting there with David's cybershades the ghost can't help but ask. "Why are you wearing something from someone you hate?"

Heather seems glad to see Robyn walking through the wall, though at his question she scratches out the answer, <I need to protect my eyes from debris when I run. Also, he does not understand my enmity. I do not hate him, but he thinks I do. Hopefully, that has been cleared up with him.> She gestures towards the other chair and tilts her head, asking with body language if Robyn would like to sit down.

Robyn walks over and looks at the chair and then looks at her. He hesitates before sitting down and it's hard to tell if he's really on the chair or not. "Enmity? So he's your enemy?" The ghost asks curiously as he reads the wax. "Thank you for protecting my bear, you've been…nice to me."

<My nemesis. I could explain, but I would rather talk to you and learn about you. And you're welcome. I want no harm to come to you,> writes Heather on the wax. She glances up at the bear for just a moment and then writes on the wax case, <What do you feel when you are around the bear?>

Robyn blinks at Heather about the change of subject along with the questions about himself. "Learn more about me, I don't remember much." He says sounding a bit annoyed but that's before the question about the bear and he stops. "Around Paddington? Safe. He brings comfort and is like a familiar prescience to me. He was there for me when others weren't."

Heather nods slowly at this and responds in her wax writing, <I know that you do not remember things about yourself. That's okay. I am not asking that you do.> She glances towards the stuffed bear again. She knows it's significant. <Can you tell me a story about Paddington? It doesn't need to be true. Whatever comes to mind.>

"A Story?" Robyn asks as he doesn't really know where to go with that one. The ghost isn't really imaginative. "There once was a teddy bear that was loved by a boy so much that even in death they weren't parted." It's a true story but it's the best he can think of. He looks at the bear for a long time. "Unless you're looking for something that's like in a story book. Something more fake."

Heather shakes her head at the uncreative Robyn ghost. Yeesh, real Robyn would have come up with something better than that! But Heather's facial expression remains neutral and she writes, <No, you don't need to make something more fake. That was fine. You did great. If you think of another story about the bear you would like to tell, though, let me know.> She considers for a few moments and, if not interrupted, then writes her next part in the line of questioning, <Can you tell me how you feel about yourself?>

Again there's some silence as the ghost ponders the question, they're things he's never been asked, that he remembers, but yet there is a sense of familiarity and he fidgets uncomfortably. "How I feel? I don't know. Um…about myself? That noone understands or believes me. That I'm confused that I don't remember how I died and alone. I feel alone." He admits before furrowing his brow and asking, "Why are you asking me all this stuff? Are you from that Asylum?"

Deciding it's time to build some rapport and assuage the ghost's fears, Heather writes down, <No. I was kept in an institution once, though. It wasn't as bad than the one here, but they kept me alone all the time. They did not listen to me, or believe me when they did. They didn't feed me as much as I needed. It's normal to feel alone when you are different and scared.> These are the kinds of things she hears from her therapists, though without all the background on themselves, so she figures it's the most productive way to spend this conversation time. <Can you tell me what that aloneness is like?>

"I don't remember what happened there but I get this feeling thinking about it, it's not good." Robyn says as he knows there was something that caused him fear there but he doesn't remember what. "I just feed off of people now." He says as if it's not a bit deal. "Aloneness is like being alone. Even though you all are here you don't belong here. You don't understand cause you're not part of this place. You can't understand. You look at things like there is more when it's just as it is. I'm dead, and you're not."

Heather taps her chin lightly with the flat of her knife and she nods at Robyn's answer, folding her hands together as Robyn mentions feeding off people. She would prefer not to have a headache if possible. <Can you tell me more about how we don't belong here? Is it a feeling you have, or is it something more than that?>

"It's a feeling, a fact." Robyn says as it's hard to explain. "You're like a visitor and I'm like a resident. It's how it is." There really isn't anything more than that. "Do you think you belong here?"

<I don't feel like I belong anywhere I've been. Yet I find myself in these places,> responds Heather to Robyn's question. She brushes some of her hair aside, and she asks yet another question. After all, this is a fake therapy session, may as well be inquisitive. <What is it like being dead?>

"Like being lost." Robyn says without even thinking about. "There's no here or there or then or now. It's not important anymore. It feels like I should be somewhere but I can't go there and thus, I'm lost. It also is incomplete." But he doesn't elaborate on that bit. "It's confusing cause I don't know why I'm still here, and why you all can see and hear me."

<We do not know why we are here, nor why you are still here. Sometimes, life can be mysterious… This 'somewhere' you mentioned. Do you think that is a place that you would rather be, that you would be more comfortable being?> scratches Heather onto the wax, looking up towards Robyn when she's finished.

There's a shrug from Robyn before he speaks. "I don't know. I don't know if I'd rather be somewhere else or more comfortable there. Maybe I would be." He says as he stands up and walks around the table. "It's hard to explain. I feel like I'm inbetween."

<And it makes sense to feel that way, given that you have experienced death,> says Heather, nodding slowly at that. <Do you think that, if you had the opportunity to go to that somewhere else, you would want to go there? Or would you rather stay here.> She glances once again at the bear and then back towards Robyn.

"I feel…" Robyn says, trailing off as he thinks about it. "I don't know, it's like there is something else, another stop, that I have yet to get to. That I'm stuck until I get to that step. Honestly, I don't know, I think someday I should move on." He says as he's fidgets a bit. "Why are you asking me all this?" Obviously uncomfortable.

Heather frowns at the question and then nods, acknowledging that it's worth asking and worth her addressing, <I'm asking because I want you to find the next stop. You seem lost, alone and confused now. I want to help you, sincerely I do. But the only person who knows your next stop is you.> The girl taps the knife on her mouth once again. <I see that you're uncomfortable, though. Are you upset that I'm asking you these questions?>

"I remember being asked lots of questions, I don't remember what but I remember not liking it." Robyn says as hints of his former life of being a patient at Xavier's Asylum for Youngsters are coming to mind. Like an out of focus picture. "What happened after the questions made me not like it. Paddington…" He says reaching out for the bear and as his hand passes through he grasps for the bear desperately with no success.

Heather nods her head at that, and she writes quickly, <I understand your anxiety. I used to have the same when people asked me questions. But I do not want to harm you.> As Robyn grasps for the bear, Heather frowns slightly, <Do you think you would be okay to tell me another story about Paddington?> She doesn't want Robyn to get too upset, but this may be a way of prying more.

Robyn does his best to hold onto the bear by standing in the middle of the table next to it. "Another story?" He asks sounding childlike and maybe a bit defeated. He doesn't look at Heather but looks off to the side as he brings his hands up, folded, in front of his face. He mumbles a bit while talking. "There was a teddy bear named Paddington and he provided comfort for one young boy. He was always there to be held and comforted but one day the bear couldn't be held by the boy anymore. It wasn't possible, the only way for the boy to be able to hold the bear again was in death."

<Would you be more comfortable if I put Paddington on your chair? So you can be close to him there?> asks Heather, and this is only to make Robyn more comfortable, not because she's trying to pry. She looks between Robyn and the bear once more, and as she gets up to either relocate the bear or not, she scrawls down the question, <Whose death was needed for the bear to be held again? The bear's, or the boy's?> She thinks this is important to ask, since she knows that this Robyn is already dead, and yet still cannot hold the bear.

"The boy's." Robyn says without even thinking about the answer, it's almost automatic. He then blinks and shakes his head as if just hearing the first question. "It's okay, I don't feel any different if I'm standing or sitting, unless you are more comfortable with me sitting."

<No, I'm comfortable no matter how you look. How do you think the boy would die, in order to hold the bear again?> writes Heather, frowning slightly in thought, eyes focusing on the bear, though not really seeing it now Robyn is obscuring it.

"How do you kill a ghost?" Robyn says again, in that same auto response type way he did before. "I honestly don't know, I don't know." He says repeating himself as he looks around the room. "It's a puzzle I can't figure out."

Heather nods her head quickly at Robyn and she crosses her arms for a moment before uncrossing, now knowing enough that she can put forward her own theories. She marks into wax, <I have a theory. You are attached to this world, and you seem anchored to Paddington. You love your bear very much, don't you? He protected your mind when it was being abused. And maybe you never wanted to seperate from him. Do you think this is possible?>

"Okay…." Robyn says curious but weary of Heather's theory. "Possible to be separated from him? I don't think it is. I can't leave him, if I get to far it won't let me." He says as he's somehow linked to bear, like it's prescience is his anchor to this world. "Do you want to make us be apart?" He asks nervously.

Heather slowly shakes her head at Robyn, <That's not what I want. But for you to hold him again, you may need to leave him behind. Perhaps it is enough for you to say thank you to him, for being your friend, even if he was a teddy. Because he was your friend. I can tell when you look at him and talk to him. I have had friends who are not real, too… <And maybe it is enough to say to him thank you. And goodbye. Goodbye in this world, at least.>

"Say goodbye and thank you?" Robyn says as he looks at the bear for a long time and there's an nervous aura about the teen, like he doesn't know if he can do it. "But..I don't want to. Saying goodbye means the end. I don't want to leave Paddington behind." He says with a quiver to his voice.

Heather, having run out of space on the wax, picks up some of her blank sheets of papers and writes with ink, closing the case and using it for a hard surface. <I know that you don't want to. When I was young, I lived in a world of illusions, and I had a best friend. She wasn't real, but I loved her. Eventually, she disappeared, and I would never have her with me again.> At this point in her scrawlings, the normally flat-affected girl actually tears up a little, <And yet, I have not left her behind, she is still a part of my self and my memory. And I don't think you will ever truly leave Paddington behind, either. You are just telling him how you love him, and that you thank him, and that you may now part ways.> She slips the page towards Robyn and nods her head once, encouragingly.

Robyn reads the paper and then re-reads it twice before looking up at Heather. "How did you do it?" He whispers to her as he looks back at the bear and puts a hand on it. The ghost seems to be a bit teary himself as he takes a few steps back and looks at the table. "Thank you Paddington, for always being there for me when noone else was. For being the light of my darker days and for staying with me even after everything was over. I love you even if you are just a stuffed bear but I have to say good bye." The ghost stays as he looks at Heather and takes a deep breath. "Good bye and thank you too Heather Brown, codename: Timeslip." He says as he turns and starts to walk, trying to leave the bear behind as he walks through the wall and out of the building.

Heather watches as Robyn walks away, reaching to grab the bear and examining it. "Goodbye, ghost boy of uncertain name," she says, wiping her eyes with the sleeves of her pyjamas. "I hope you find peace, and I will carry you with me as I do her." She places the bear on her lap and stares off at the point on the wall where this world's Robyn walked away.

Minutes go by and unseen to Heather, after a bit of walking the ghost boy turns solid and a weight is lifted off of Robyn's chest as the 'ghost' leaves. Though Robyn hasn't come back outside yet there's a certain sadness as he remembers what the ghost went through and forgotten self is back. There are no changes to the bear as it happens but neither the ghost, nor Robyn, come back inside the pub.

Heather stares at the bear a little longer before whispering, "Thank you for having been a good friend, even if you are just an illusion." She stands up and walks towards the hearth, where a fire still goes from dinner, "You should be with your boy in the next world." As the boy's friend is consumed by flames to rejoin its owner, the girl in the Hello Kitty pyjamas lets out her tears and walks out of the building.

Standing outside of the pub, past the gallows, the now corporeal Robyn looks off into the distance. He brings up a sleeve to wipe at his eyes before turning around to go back into the pub and thank Heather. He stops short though when he sees here and gets a bit embarrassed as he doesn't like people to know he's cried. "Uh..thank you Heather." He says before offering her a small, grateful, smile.

Heather turns aside and wipes her eyes with her sleeves again as she notices that Robyn is just nearby. Apparently, Robyn's not the only one who doesn't like people seeing him cry. She's supposed to be a stoic mastermind! She turns back towards Robyn and then nods and gives him a small smile in return. "ItWsWetIHadoDo. FrYou. FrHim."

Robyn blinks and nods to Heather. He's not as good at understanding her fast world talk but he does try. "I know you had to do it, still, it's also sad. I don't know, I remember it all." He says brushing his hair back and shivering against the cold since he's just wearing the thin cotton shirt and pants. "Thank you Heather, really. How are you, are you okay?"

Heather nods at Robyn and says, "'MOkay. DoYWanToGoNside? SoYCanUnerstanMeBetter. AnYSeemCld." She gestures towards the door and pulls her fingers through her hair in order to untangle it a little bit and then crosses her arms and starts in that direction anyways.

Robyn takes a bit to answer and then makes a face while shaking his hand to say 'sort of'. "Yeah, I think I should go inside and I haven't seen Cid…whose Cid?" He asks completely misinterpreting the last thing she said. He starts walking with her to the Slaughtered Lamb and is quite for a bit. "I just want to go home Heather."

Heather nods her head in agreement at the last thing that Robyn says, "MeTo. ILikTwterStawkin." She moves through the door, before speedbursting and placing her wax case over the fire and grabbing her papers so that she can communicate more sensically, writing on the paper, <I don't like this place. And I want to escape here as soon as possible and take a shower. We will have to find Connor soon.>

Robyn immediately walks over to the fire and stands in front of it to warm up. "You like tweeter stalking?" He doesn't have the easiest time understanding her but he does try. "I'd like to find Connor too, he is my friend and I remember him crying last time we talked. And something about, it's in the blood. I was supposed to warn people, it's in the blood." He says as he walks over to Heather and takes a deep breath before giving her an awkward hug. "Thank you, and sorry for hugging you, I just…" He can't really put into words but it's almost like they lost a friend in a way. "I'm going to go find something warmer to put on, I'm freezing in this. And I want shoes."

Heather returns the hug, but is very awkward about it in return, mostly because she doesn't want to hurt Robyn. She writes on the sheet of paper, <I understand.> She used to live in a world of illusions, and even if she thinks this world isn't real, it's still as real as many of the other worlds that she's been in. She will mourn the ghost as much as any real person, but is glad that he was able to move on. She scrawls, <I need to end my wake cycle. If you would like to talk more, I will be up in another hour. Enjoy your shoes.> That's all the sleep she needs at any given time, even if she sleeps several times a day. She zips over to pull her wax case off the fire and place it aside before lying down and falling asleep in front of the fire.

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