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Summary: Robyn confronts Lucas about his lack of honesty and trust.
Date: August 31, 2010
Log Title: Honesty Isn't Easy
Rating: PG
Xavier Mansion - Courtyard
Surrounded on three sides by the school, a large courtyard forms the front yard. The courtyard leads right up to the door of the mansion. Yellow square stone slabs cover the ground where the grass would be. The most noticeable thing about the courtyard is the large statue of Jean Gray, aka Phoenix, in the middle as a memorial. Benches surround the outside of the statue so students can sit and hang out in the courtyard. There are two paths leading off the courtyard, one to the left and the other to the right.
Usually when sculpting, Robyn stays in the art room but today he's felt like being outside. He's sitting on one of the benches with a black tray in his lap and he's working on what looks like a series of small animals. There's a wolf and a skunk and he seems to be working on another. They all have a kind of thin and long quality giving them a cartoonish horror look. It's just the basic design but Robyn's definately engrossed in his project.
Lucas is dressed in black skinny jeans and a wifebeater. A red and black patterned long sleeved flannel is left buttoned only halfway up the front of his stomach, and his guitar case is slung over his shoulder, the guitar hanging upside down like a backpack. On top of his slinky hair is a grey knit hat, giving his outfit that dirty rock star look. His cell phone is open, and he's speaking quietly into it, "…No, Ah'm comin', hold my spot… …Ah have it… chill… Whatever." He hangs the phone up, shoving it into his pocket, and making his way quickly down the path. He looks over his shoulder, obviously trying to make sure he's not scene. He doesn't notice Robyn, because he's watching behind him, not in front.
Hearing the voice of Lucas, Robyn looks up and raises an eyebrow at what he's wearing. "Hey Lucas, isn't a bit hot for the flannel and hat. I mean, you must be sweeting up a storm." After all it's been a warm day in the nineties so long sleeves just seem murder in this weather. He stops what he's working on and pours some water from a bottle onto his hands to get the clay off. No comment on if he heard what Lucas was saying on the cellphone or not.
Lucas freezes. Superhero in the headlights. There's about a half second of panic as his mouth opens and makes only a sound something like, "Um…" Then he straightens, and gives an uncomfortable smile. "Oh, hey Robear… Ah was just…" He furrows his brow, "Why are you out here?"
"I'm sculpting, why?" Robyn asks as it's kind of obvious what he's doing. "You heading off to practice a bit?" Since Lucas has his guitar with him, Robyn is being captain obvious! "I just didn't want to be outside and thought I'd actually get some fresh air. Same reason that you're probably playing out here than in the music room."
Lucas nods, "No, Ah just… Ah ain't playin' out here… Ah was… Um… Ah was headin' to the mall. For picks." Yeah. That's it. "Ah should go…" He begins to slink towards the front gate.
"Do you ever get tired to not saying how you really feel or what you're really doing?" Robyn just asks bluntly. "I mean, you're never honest with your friends and you never say what's on your mind. You've built up this wall around you and you barely let anyone in. So I was just wondering, you lonely yet on your side of the wall?"
Lucas pauses, and his head tilts a little, watching Robyn. He just stares at him for a long moment. Then, finally, he just says, "Huh." Like he just saw something he's never seen before.
"You." Is Robyn's response. "You don't trust your friends, you never say how you feel when obviously you want to talk. You like about what you're doing and what you're feeling to hide who you really are." He looks back down at his clay and starts to shape what he's working on a bit. "You want to lead this team but you don't trust those you want to lead. How do you expect them to trust you when you can't even let them know who you really are."
Lucas furrows his brow, "Okay… this is new…" He slowly takes a step towards Robyn. "You ain't future Robyn are ya?"
"I saw my future self, I didn't like that guy and…." Robyn shakes his head obviously not wanting to talk about it. "And no Lucas, it's just I've watched you the last few times we've talked. I've noticed things. You obviously have a lot on your mind, you keep getting this sad look on your face then say it's nothing but it's obviously not true and tonight, you're obviously lying about getting guitar picks. Usually I sit back and say nothing but you've been doing it a lot lately and I think maybe you should trust the people who consider you their friend."
Lucas sighs, shifting his weight onto one leg and looking off at the setting sun a moment, before turning back to Robyn. "Ah don't think Ah'm leadin' the team, so…" He shrugs. "Look, Ah just ain't figured out how to deal with some shit, an' 'til Ah do, Ah just ain't sure how to…" He sighs again. "You sound like Rash. It don't mean Ah don't trust you."
"Maybe she's rubbed off on me a bit but then maybe her and I just notice the same thing." Robyn says as it's probably a mix of both. "You're not sure how to what? Ask for help? Open up to friends? Lucas, I'm not going to judge you. Who you are is who you are, I'd rather know the truth than something made up. You're sneaking off to do something, that much is obvious."
"Fine," Lucas snaps, "When we all had a vision of the future, Ah saw myself, an' Ah was plannin' on murderin' Jinx because she an' James were in love an' Ah was tryin' to get back at James for murderin' my daughter!" He tosses his hands up in the air, "How the fuck are you supposed to help me with that, Robear?!? Christ!" He spits, shaking his head.
Standing up, Robyn walks over to Lucas and nods to him. "By letting you tell me what you saw, I can help by being an ear for you. I mean, I hate what I saw cause future Connor was correct." Robyn has barely said anything about his vision of his future self cause he's determined to not let that be him. I'd like to believe the future isn't set in stone and that we can change what we saw and maybe we can help each other make sure that future doesn't come true."
Lucas shakes his head, "Robear, it's already not happenin' that way. My daughter's mother was Rashmi. We broke up-That's not the point." He sighs again, something he's good at. "It ain't that the future's been changed, it's that… those people? We still have those potentials inside of us." He shakes his head, "My best friend is the kind of guy what would murder my daughter if'n things went certain ways. How do Ah EVER trust him again? And Jinx!?!? Fuck, man, Ah thought she an' Ah were…" He shakes his head. "Ah can't tell you what Ah saw. Most of it, Ah don't remember now. It keeps fadin'. Just… those things, Ah wrote down." He furrows his brow, "But Ah remember the pain Ah carried."
"Lucas, we have the potential to be a lot of things inside. Maybe it didn't hit me as bad cause I already knew from Connor that I became this cold hearted obsessed paraplegic but I can't focus on that Lucas." Robyn says reaching out a hand to rest on Lucas' shoulder. "Because James -is- your best friend. That future I used Jordan as a disposable soldier, I -have- that in me, to use the people I love, but just because it's in me doesn't mean I'm going to let it out. I'm going to point out a few things, first off you're punishing James for something he hasn't done yet, that he may never do. Is that fair to your friendship?"
Lucas quickly answers, "Is it fair to my unborn kids what he could murder?"
"What you're talking about is all hypothetical right now. You don't know what's actually going to happen, none of us do. You know what else James could have in him, the potential to be the god father to your kids and the best damn god father he can to them. Would it be fair to rob them of that possibility?" Robyn asks as he's throwing one possible option out there. "There are so many possibilities about what people have the potential to do it's what happens in life that make us choose those options. You don't know what is going to happen, just one of hundreds of possibilities. It's easy for you to focus on the one you know -might- happen. If you don't want to be his friend anymore, that's on you, but we don't fully know what caused our potential future selves to become the way they did."
Lucas sighs, "What about her?" he asks, meaning Jinx. "Ah liked her. Ah was gonna kill her. Ah think, nah, it's okay, that ain't what's gonna happen, an' then she runs off for a little private time in the woods with him."
"You said you liked her Lucas, but do you like her?" Robyn asks giving him a slight smile. "Listen Lucas, if you like Jinx then tell her. A girl isn't gonna know if you don't say something. She ran off into the woods with James, doesn't mean anything. You're making assumptions with out talking to her. Do you still like her?"
Lucas shakes his head, "Ah don't know. Yeah. No. Ah mean… Maybe?" He grumbles, "Ah mean, Ah was plannin' to kill her. But unlike James, Ah've killed before. A lot. Ah KNOW that's in me. Ah don't know that Ah wanna put her in that danger!"
"Lucas, you're putting too much on a future that probably won't be." Robyn says and he does catch the 'killed before' comment but he doesn't say anything about it. "We're still teenagers Lucas, don't live for what might be but live for what you make it be. If you want to be with Jinx than go for it, see what happens. Cause even with a glimpse, we don't know what's going to happen. Right now you're at a path where you have choices on which way to go. Who knows you might choose a different path than the future you did and there is no danger either of you will be in. You've got to go with the moment of today. What does your heart tell you to do, right now. Not your head, but your heart?"
Lucas shakes his head, "Ah don't know." He slumps his shoulders a bit. "Ah don't… Ah don't know." He looks down at his shoes. There's a little shrug, "Ah don't even know how to kiss a muzzle…" He smirks, "Weird, huh?" He sighs. "Rash made things so easy…"
Robyn smiles at Lucas' smirk. "So, you can always learn. If you like her, go for it. I mean, I always thought she was flirting with you pretty bad in return. Love isn't easy Lucas. Jordan and I…it's been a roller coaster and it still is but, I'm gonna stick with him cause I love him. Even if I know what happens in one future, I'm not going to let that cause me to break up with him." Knowing what he does will just keep him knowledge able to stop it. "Rashmi makes a lot of things easy she's a great person, but you said you don't know. That's the point of the future Lucas. We don't know."
Lucas nods, quietly, standing there for a moment as the evening shadows stretch across the yard. He finally looks up again at Robyn, "Why aren't you so confident in dealin' with your own shit?"
Robyn rubs the back of his head and shrugs. "I don't know, I've never really had anything bad happen till I came here. I never really had a group of friends or a place to belong till I came here so when stuff happens, I get scared. I don't know how to handle it and not being able to go to the two people I want to the most, I can't. I really can't tell my Mom and Dad what goes on here. I just don't know how to talk about my issues."
Lucas nods, "My maw don't even know about my hands, let alone this place." He looks around once more, adjusting the guitar on his back, scratching the back of his head. "Look, Ah do trust you. It ain't a trust thing, okay? Ah just prefer to work all this shit out on my own. Ah don't need you all judgin' me an' shit about it, ya know?"
"Hey, you are who you are Lucas but sometimes you gotta lean on your friends. I'm learning that one." Robyn admits as he doesn't always do that. "Though if you keep everything inside it might start eating you up and sometimes, you just need to get it out. I'm here for you when you need to get it out, okay?"
Lucas smirks, "That sounded gay." He chuckles, "Look, don't tell them about this, okay? Ah wish Ah didn't remember, there's no need for them to know." He smiles, "Anyway, Ah should go. Ah'm already fuckin' late as a pregnant woman." He turns and begins walking towards the gate. "Night, Robear."
"That's because I am gay." Robyn jokes with Lucas before noding to him. "G'night Lucas and good luck with whatever you're late for." Once Lucas is gone, Robyn takes his stuff and goes to head upstairs. Look likes an night of 'sleeping' in the art room is in store for the young sculpter.
