2010-08-02: I've Got Mouth Lasers

Players:

AlexH_icon.jpg Caleb_icon.jpg Deadpool_icon.jpg

Summary: Deadpool finds Alex and Caleb in a strip club, Alex as it turns out has a hit on his head. Deadpool goes for what he considers easy money and finds out otherwise.

Date: August 2nd, 2010

Log Title: I've Got Mouth Lasers

Rating: R


NYC - Hell's Kitchen a nameless Strip Club


It's early in the evening, and Alex spent most of his money on strippers the night before, well, one stripper, but that turned out pretty well for him. All worn out, he's just hunched over at a table, sipping a drink, having no intention of tipping any stripper other than his favorite stripper, who's in an entirely different bar. He stares down into his drink, swirling the beer around a bit, but he mostly seems bored. "Fuck, hope she gets off work soon, this shit is boring." he complains, apparently not amused.

Deadpool found the entire ordeal earlier summing up to one bum rap. Would be heroes stop a simple ordeal of a pimp slapping around one of his working girls and Deadpool get's left empty handed, Domino and X-23 were probably off making better leads than he was which meant they'd be smug when he came around and he really didn't like smug on Domino, it made her look lopsided with the spot and all. Brushing the doors open to the bar he pulls up the newfangled cellphone Weasel had given him, doing the texting deal while he flopped down onto a bar stool. He wasn't bothering with shifting his appearance with the image inducer, no point not when it was this dark and rainy out, over his red and black suit he was wearing a soaked trench coat and a rumpled up hat on his head, lower lip shoved out under his mask as he fought with his fingers and the small buttons. No mind of who was present right now, next gig was what was important - headhunting, that was easy pay. Now to find a target.

Alex Heckler is a particularly high priced target lately, amongst criminals and illegal bounty hunters at least. Son of a mob boss suddenly gets turned into a cyborg and takes down his father's entire organization. His current location is mostly unknown, but he frequents bars and strip clubs, or anywhere with women in skimpy clothing. One such strip club is this one, where he's sitting boredly at a table, not looking anything like someone who could take out a crime organization. And he seems very unimpressed by the dancers. "Anita's better."

"What'll it be fella?" Asks the bartender, Deadpool squints across the bar top pausing for what seemed far too long then spoke, "White Russian and maybe information on this guy and this guy. They come here yeh?" The man looked at the phone's display past Deadpool then back at him, "I ain't a rat, what're you some sort of super hero?" A huff escapes the Merc and his gravel on gasoline voice develops an edge, "Super but don't call me a hee-row chubs or I'll turn you into horse paste." The hefty bartender glaring turns away as the stool is rotated and white covered eyes fall onto the form of Alex sitting at the table the employee tried to point out rather subtle-like with his glance, perhaps it wasn't intentional. A scraping sound indicated his drink was done, scooping it up he dropped a few quarters, dimes and dollars on the bar top walking over to drop into a seat at the table Alex was at. "Loogit her, you'd think she got mauled by a cougar, check out alll them stretch marks." His voice carrying.

"Once you bang the most amazing stripper you've ever seen, shitty clubs like this lose their flavor." Alex notes as if he's just come to a casual epiphany, sipping at his beer again. "And this beer tastes like piss." He suddenly squints, finally taking a look at the masked man who just joined him, though he looks more perplexed than anything else. "I didn't know Spider-Man went to strip clubs."

"I sort of like the strange way her veiny stretched skin highlights bone. Makes me think of me think of baked cookies, bifocals, 1930's perfume and very heavy woolen sweaters. " An over-exaggerated shudder courses through his muscular frame. "Spider-Man? That sissy wouldn't be caught dead in a strip-club, probably some sort of moral depravity lecture would be involved in even saying so but I bet if you told him it was Village People's night out and there was no cover charge for men with Swedish Cabin Boy like builds he'd be all over it." Deadpool chuckles half amused half offended at being called Spider-Man. " Names Deadpool, bout you? Say Alex, you look like an Alex. If you do I'll buy you a drink. "

"My name's Alex, yeah. So, if you're not Spider-Man, why are you wearing a Spider-Man costume?" Alex isn't the brightest tool in the shed, but he's pretty sure Spider-Man is red… and… some other color. Red People: The Red Skull, Spider-Man, Spider-Woman. "I should just go back to the academy, this place is depressing."

A hand rose up and slaps Deadpool in the face, clapping over it. Fingers then splay as he looks through them, "Spider-Man is RED and BLUE this is RED and BLACK! Much sleeker and accentuates the firm contoured buttocks! The ladies love it, are you color blind!?" He stood up on emphasis of the words red and black ripping his trench-coat open, the man was strapped, two pistols that were visible, combat knives in a harness, explosives hanging from various belts. People around them hearing the upraised voice and the visible display of weapons began to let out small cries of alarm the stripper dancing near them began to scramble away. "Oh snap, no way cuddle buns don't worry hop back on the table and shake them fat rolls, Ole'Pool ain't going to shoot anyone well noone yet. Okay, I lied, I guess i am shooting someone." We're off our game tonight. "Yeah we are, we look kinda crazy right now." Out of the shoulder holsters two high caliber pistols that seemed like mutated high-tech 45.'s sprung free. "All right He Who Bangs Strippers, that's your new 'ndn' name I'm beque… bequee…" Pausing both weapons still in the air he frowns, one gun pushing a barrel against his own forehead. "Bequeth? Bequeathing… what a funky word."

"Look, don't wave your fancy vocabulary at me, what do you want?" Alex has been around guns a lot, considering who his father is, so right now his main concern is figuring out what the man intends to do with the guns. He still has that very lazy and bored expression on his face. "The thing in my head is saying you're breaking laws with those weapons, so I kind of have to kick your ass in a minute if I don't want it taking over my mind and blowing shit up."

"Now thems is fighting words, the kind that get someone punched in the naughty bits and see, there's this thing called cash and it's what makes the world rotate; obviously you know this. " The gun that was at his own temple waved off towards a retreating scantly clad exotic dancer. "It allows us to buy all sorts of fun things like pirate hats, new undies and the Star Wars Trilogy, which we have wanted for some time and you got a hefty price on that noodle of yours. So, I may if forced shoot you in the face unless you want to nicely hand yourself over and let me deliver you too… uh… shit phones in my pocket and has contact number. Hold that thought."One gun was re-holstered as Deadpool reaches down into his jacket fishing around. "Just a sec."

"Oh, so my father must have sent you. I thought he'd be a problem, even in jail." Alex stands, then grabs the wooden chair he was sitting in, and suddenly lifts it into the air and moves to slam it into the Merc's head. "Let's get this over with."

"Now we're talking!" Deadpool's legs quickly bend dropping out from underneath him, placing him into a crouch below the swing as the pistol in his right hand goes off fired point blank range at Alex's left side, the chair swiping over his head slapping the hat off he'd been wearing sending it flopping over the table to vanish on the other side. Only one round was fired, he wasn't sure what sort of person Alex was, for all he knew he was a rather bold normal guy who liked to stand down masked lunatics. "You wreck my hat I'm going to purple nurple you so hard you'll look like Barney's half brother."

Caleb went with Alex to this place, but has had trouble trying to get the courage to go in, when he finally does all hell breaks loose and people start running out sighing he phases though the wall ONLY to see whats happening, he's dressed in blue denim cargos, a black superman t-shirt, black airwalk trainers and his violet eyes are glowing faintly as is the yellow stone on the silver wristband on his right wrist, when he comes though the door he'll land somewhere near the stage part, "Great, him again".

Alex looks down as a bullet hits him right in the rib and lodges into his skin. "Ffffucking, ass!" He doesn't react like a normal hero would to getting shot, he immediately lifts his shirt and pulls the bullet from his skin where the metallic rib stopped it, and blood drips from the resulting hole. He doesn't bleed as fast as he should be, but he definitely bleeds. "Do you have any idea how much this fucking hurts? What the hell is your problem? You shot me in the fucking rib! That's it, vaporizing you with a freakin' laser." He thrusts a hand forward, but nothing seems to happen, then he looks at his palm and thrusts it forward again. "Come on, shoot damnit! Lasers, activate! Destroy! Fire!" He starts shaking his hand a few times, as if trying to somehow rattle something to work correctly. "Damned things never work when I need them."

Watching as Alex plucked the bullet from his side Deadpool releases a,"Wha? Are you wearin' a metal jockstrap or something? I know whut it was, was one of them strippers gave you mutant barnacles huh? I think I seen something about that on the Discovery Channel. Grossness. See this is why Ma and Pa warn us bout them kind of things, that's why they always teach you if you go into heat package your meat, wrap it in foil before checking her oil."One of the outstretched hands would be grabbed at by his own free left hand and he would try to grip down then spin, aiming to flip and hurl Alex over his shoulder at the bar headlong."If shes feeling spunky, make sure to cover your monkey, when in doubt, shroud your spout, before you attack her wrap your whacker… "Not having seen Caleb he didn't give him any mind yet, still rambling off Did he say shoot lasers?" Cover your stump before you hump, SERIOUSLY learn it man, learn to say no glove no love! Yes yes he did say shoot lasers."

Ok, student-teacher has just been shot and now grabbed by that freaky masked guy from before, feck, cursing his own stupidity Caleb clenches his fists and runs to tackle Deadpool.

Getting tossed right into the bar, Alex grunts and slowly pulls himself up, cracking his neck as he watches Caleb run for the man. "Hey, I don't need your preaching, just because you've got a high vocabulary and watch the Discovery Channel. I'll beat your nerd brains in." It's almost a testament to his intelligence that he's assuming Deadpool is smart based on jokes that appear to be going way over his head. "Fucking lasers, shoot!" He thrusts his hand out again, but when his mouth opens to yell 'shoot', a large white five inch wide in diameter laser beam with a slightly blue hue, that has about the impact of a condensed truck. He clearly didn't fire it on purpose, considering he's been trying to fire from his hand, and it's aimed right at the Merc's torso.

A loud *unf* comes from Deadpool as Caleb rams into his side (as he was about to lecture the wall/readers on safe sexual conduct), slamming down onto his back and shoulder blades, both of his feet come up underneath the mystical powered student to kick together, upwards, trying to send him into the bar to join Alex. Yet in this launch he wouldn't realize he was sending Caleb into the line of Alex's fire. "Carl! My Power Ranger buddy from earlier, what are you doing here, ain't you a bit young… take it you want a drink too?! Well DRINK UP! Tabs on me once I lop off your friends head and make it my new bowling ball. He likes strippers now, just wait, his head will really be in the gutter then." A laugh at his own expense came out. Someone better laugh at that, we weren't~I was~ "Me too." Me three! "Which one of you said that? Don't do that, we're already cramped. Scared me shitless. CARL NOOOOO don't go into the light!" Tucking flat so his legs didn't get wiped out once the blast had passed he kip-ups to his feet. "Holy Hannah Montana you weren't kidding about lasers."

Caleb doesn't have time to react when he's kicked into the path of the lazer, luckerly it only catches his side, still he's sent spinning by the force of a pick-up truck into a table, he's conscious but in some serious fucking pain!

Alex is fanning his tongue, and reaches over to the table to down a beer before slamming the glass down again. "Fuck, I've got mouth lasers." He watches Caleb hit a table, but figures Deadpool is a more pressing matter as he winces at the bullet wound on his stomach again. "Hey! Spider-Man! Do you have super strength?" he asks instead of trying to fight again, and reaches under his shirt to rub the sore wound again.

"AHahahahahahahah.. oh owch it hurts… ahahah. "Deadpool's gun was rested against his ribs now so was his empty hand as he was half doubled over, laughing at Caleb's expense. "Did you friggen see that? He looked like a human ninja star, arms and legs flipping out like that… oh man, ahahahahahah. Classic SOMEONE MAKE SURE THEY YOUTUBE THAT SHIT! Someone, anyone?" Glancing around the strip club he realizes everyone had ran off. "Thats kind of depressing, we lost our audience." Instantly on being called Spider-Man he stops, "It's DEADPOOL Barnacle Bill not Spider-Man, DEAD as in you, and Pool as… uh, your blood and me swimming in it. Yeah… that works." Of course we do, we take our vitamins everyday. "Shut up, it's 'splody time." The gun was aimed and fired towards Alex, two quick rounds as the other hand gripped up one of those small discs then proceeded to hurl it towards the man, it would upon impact explode in an 8' foot radius. Man this club is so hash

Caleb tries to get up but is stopped by a coughing fit, "Feck, *cough*, i can't move, *cough*", he is however able to lift up his left arm and fire a blast of violet energy at Deadpool.

He raises his arms to protect his face, and one bullet pierces in between his ribs this time, lodging in there, while another pierces into his arm. "Fuck fuck fuck! Stop shooting me!" Alex exclaims, then as the disk is coming, he has no idea what it is, but he starts running as fast as he can with the pain of bullets lodged into him, reaching down to grab Caleb's collar so he can try to make a run for the door. "Let's get the hell out of here, let Nick Fury handle this crazy shit!"

"FURY shit where!?" Deadpool's head snapped from left to right quickly. "Oh you made me look, smooth one!" His hand out of his own obnoxiousness fired off more rounds at Alex. "BANGBANGBANG!!!" He yelled with them, this time it was a burst of five more slugs. None of them went for Caleb, just Alex. The explosion of that small disc blew the bar in half, sending wood and other materials in all directions but also creating a smoke cloud for them to escape in. "Don't run away we were just having fun! You're ruining our bonding moment! Was one hell of a Brodeo! Guys!? Wait GUYS!" Battling his way through the smoke he lunges out the other side, dragging up the twins pistol. "Awww how come no body wants to pway wif me!" Suddenly he is realizes he was blind-sided by Caleb once more, he stops in his shooting to look down at the hole that appeared in his abdomen. "By Odin's bearded baby fat I can see my lunch. Oh man is that a corndog, when did I eat that!?"

Caleb tries to walk while he's dragged but he's having little success, the most he can do is move his feet to make it a little eaiser to move him, he also manages a slight grin, one the one hand he's just maimed someone else, but at least he hit him.

As the bullets are fired, Alex starts slamming his foot on the floor. "Work, dammit!" he exclaims, and suddenly energy bursts from the bottom of his shoes, sending both him and Caleb rocketing into the sky before the bullets can completely wreck them. "I have no fucking idea how to fly!" he exclaims as they head over skyscrapers and a smoke trail vanishes over a building.

"And they're off… dayum, I gotta get me some rocket pants." A sigh comes out of Deadpool and he turns around to look at the billowing fog that came out of the stripclub like some giant smoking dragons maw. Looking around he spots several of the club residents and employees staring at him, clearing his throat he nudges the knocked down sign with a toe before he slowly began to walk away, an attempted non-chalant whistle escaping him; once around the corner he teleports home or at least hopes he does, it wasn't always spot on.

Caleb may be in pain but he DOES know how to fly, he focuses his own energies to at least help Alex steer, while firmly deciding, that he's not leaving Barnes again for a few days at least.

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