Players:
Summary: Robyn confronts Nathaniel.
Date: January 19, 2009
Log Title Not Quite Forgiven
Rating: R
Xavier Mansion - Daisuke and Nathaniel's Room
Daisuke's side of the room is a bit cluttered but still neat as he has a few drawing pads piled up on his desk along with his art supplies along with a few pictures of his grandmother, brother and mother taped on the wall along with a poster from Cowboy Bebop. A drum pad sits folded up at the end of his bed. His desk has stacks of text books, CD's and a laptop on it. There are a few small chibi style anime figures on his desk and end-table.
Robyn went down to Cerbra to visit Addison and bring him something to eat, which is also where he feel asleep for a bit. Three hours of sleep, the most he's been able to get in days, but now he's decided something can't wait, he should talk to Nathaniel sooner than later. He's neverous, scared and angry as he knocks on the door. He almost hopes Nate's not there.
Nathaniel has shut his empathy down completely and while it's a good idea, it means he has no idea who is there. He answers the door after a minute or two of silence, a tall figure in a black hoodie and loose pajama pants. He is startled to see Robyn there, taking two abrupt, small steps from the door as if Robyn were on fire, "R-Robyn!" He's scared of him, though that's not really something he'd like to admit.
Dressed in a pair of Xavier's sweat pants and still the same Ziggy Stardust t-shirt he wore to 'bed' last night is Robyn. He just stands there for a bit, his heart racing and everything in his brain screaming 'run away!'. "Um…can..can we talk?" The last bit he just kind of tries to shut down a bit and his voice goes flat.
"I… uh… y-yeah," Nathaniel responds intelligently, moving out of the way and opening the door as much as he can. Once Robyn's inside, he'll close the door, but not completely. It'll give them privacy without locking Robyn in. He pulls the desk chair out for Robyn to sit on, moving it far from the desk so that he can lean against the wall next to it, arms curled tightly around his ribs.
Robyn steps into the room and just stays by the door, shaking his head at the chair. He looks down at the ground trying to figure out what to say and he doesn't mean there to be minutes of awkward silence but there is. "When you….you weren't you, right…it was the demon…not you?"
Nathaniel shakes his head quickly, sitting down on the floor with his back against the wall and curling his arms around his knees. He doesn't look directly at Robyn, instead picking at a loose thread on his jeans, "No… no, I wouldn't ever do something like that. Robyn… I'm sorry. I… I know it doesn't matter, but God, I'm so sorry." He runs his fingers through his hair, ducking his face down to his knees.
Robyn just stands there and closes his eyes, exhaling. "I thought so, good. And it does matter, it just means that it'll be easier to forgive you." Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but it will happen. "Jordan….he broke my arm when he changed, I know he didn't mean to, but…" He just shakes his head, frozen to the spot he's standing in, shaking slightly.
Nathaniel licks his lower lip before he scratches his leg and murmurs, "Robyn, I… look, I want to try and explain, okay? Because… because it was me, to some part… the demon… took the worst parts of me and exaggerated them." He looks up at Robyn for a few seconds before he continues in a quiet voice, "My dad, he used to rape me. I would never want to do that to anyone else. It made me so hurt and so angry… and then I did it to you. I never wanted to. I… I couldn't help it…"
Robyn can't help it and he punches the wall with his good hand. "I want to hate you Nathaniel, I want to dispise you, I want to be able to let my friends hurt you cause they want to, but I can't. I can't hate you." He says sounding mad at himself more than Nathaniel. "I know you weren't yourself, cause Jordan…he's..changed too but you took something from me that I can't ever get back and I want to hate you for it, so much."
Nathaniel is startled by the punch, wincing in response and looking back down at his legs. He pulls at the denim gently, twisting the hem just above his foot, "I deserve it, Robyn…" He knew that saying he was sorry never would've made up for it, but there's only so much he can do.
"Don't you get it though, I can't hate you. I can't…" Robyn says closing his eyes and taking a few minutes to breath. He's not going to let himself cry, not in front of Nathaniel. "You don't deserve it cause it wasn't you, it'd be so much easier if it was but it wasn't."
Nathaniel isn't really sure what to say, just sitting there and listening to Robyn quietly. He scratches his shin gently, fidgeting without any real words to add to the conversation. He wants Robyn to hate him. He doesn't deserve to be forgiven.
Robyn doesn't say anything either, still shaking slightly. If it's from fear or anger, without Nate's powers, it's hard to tell. He just looks at Nathaniel and he can't feel sorry for him, not right now. He can't say anything else but turns to leave the room.
"Robyn!" Nathaniel says abruptly, leaning forward to rest his hand on the ground, looking up at him, "Robyn… I know you want to hate me, and even if you can't, even if… even if you can't ever forgive me, please, I'm so sorry."
Robyn turns his head towards Nathaniel and nods, answering in a soft voice. "I know you are, and that's why I can't hate you. Someday, I'll be able to but it can't be today. I'm sorry." He says before walking out the door and leaving to back to his room.
