Players:
Summary: Nicholas learns something new about Taylor.
Date: November 12, 2012
Log Title: Secrets Revealed
Rating: PG
Xavier Mansion - Observation Deck
Glass windows surround the circular room giving a full view of the school grounds. Two telescopes sit in front of the window for students to looks at the stars. A few comfortable chairs and couches with a few tables are placed up here for students to relax. There's a door off to one of the sides that leads up to the attic above here.
Taylor is sitting at one of the windows, hands folded in their lap. The feline student is wearing a dapper sort of black pinstripe suit with a red tie, ears perked up lightly in the relative silence that the observation deck brings. Taylor is clearly lost in thought, being awake, not listening to music, or really doing anything else discernable. The fuzzy student has a plate some meatloaf nearby, partially eaten. Hands are rubbed together idly while the ocelot student's eyes are kept on the horizon, waiting for it to darken for some stargazing.
Finally Nick is out of the wheelchair, but for now he's on crutches. The high tech Shiar machinery helping him heal a lot faster than with modern medicine, which is why he can put the weight on his left arm. With a ding, the elevator doors open and out comes Nick, spotting his Ocelot Friend he gives her a faint smile. "Hey there Taylor, how's it going?"
Behind Nick, Shane can be heard clomping at the boy's heels. For the moment, boots aside, she seems to have dropped the workout gear in favor of slim-legged black jeans and matching fleece sweater, the scarf from her workout attire and screaming blond hair the only bits of color aside from her boots. Pulling her headphones down to hang around her neck, she raises an eyebrow at Taylor, as if to echo Nick's question.
Taylor looks back towards Nicholas and says with a sort of contented expression (the feline expressions being a bit harder to read than regular human ones), "Ah, hey. You're looking a lot better there, gonna be up and running again soon, huh?" The teen's eyes turn towards Shane and Taylor says, "I'm doing alright. The whole… sweet sixteen thing, you know? Kind of aged up, got some stuff on my mind as a result."
Nicholas takes a few more steps inside the room, resting against the crutches when he stops. "Yeah, still gotta do that physical therapy thing but the tech here is kind of crazy." He says making sure there's enough room for Shane to get by him. "Sweet sixteen? Is today your birthday? I'm sorry Tay, I didn't know when your birthday was also just had a lot on my mind. Everything okay?"
"Prolly have'm onnis feet by weekend," Shane mutters, nudging the boy's un-wounded arm as she passes by. Dropping into a chair on the other side of Taylor, she peers at the catgirl over the folds of the scarf loosely wrapped over her nose and mouth. "Happy birthday?"
"Uh, thanks, yea. I mean, it's fine, it's fine if nobody remembered or anything, I am not exactly really a hundred percent sure how much of a shit I give about my birthday stuff or anything," says Taylor, shrugging a shoulder lightly. "I mean, I've got a lot on my mind too. With everything that's happening, and I'm supposed to video conference in with my doctors in the next few days, because visiting 'em is probably a bad idea." The teen considers that quietly, eyes narrowing off away at the horizon, "I was just coming up here to look at stars, though. I mean, stars are nice. They're pretty permanent…"
Nicholas moves over to one of the couches and slowly lowers himself into it, listening to Taylor's words. "Is everything okay?" He furrows his brow at her as he's lost, concerned about Taylor but also lost. "Is something going on?"
Shane grunts her understanding, nodding slowly. "Problem with stars is, they're too far away t'ever give half a fuck. 'N even 'f they did, nothin' they c'n do. Friends, now… mebbe's they c'n do somethin'. Least they give enough shits t'try, anyway. So let's hear it, Taylor." Glancing around the ocelot at Nick, the blond shrugs slightly.
Taylor says, "Eh, I dunno, it's nice to have a sort of point of reference, and they're pretty and shit." The ocelot scratches the back of their neck and then glances towards Nicholas and Shane, "I'm supposed to decide the course of my medical treatment for something now that I'm sixteen, but I haven't really fully decided… I have a hard time deciding, really. Deciding on serious shit is like my weakness, it's my kryptonite." Taylor glances between Nicholas and Shane and then says, "Uh, and it's sort of fucked up, the sort of decision, I guess. Hard to explain."
Nicholas definitely feels like he's missing something but he listens. "What do you mean by medical treatment? Are you okay or sick or something Taylor?" He's worried she might have some sort of tumour that needs to be removed before she gets older or something. "I don't really know what to tell you Taylor, I don't really know what's going on but if you need an ear, I can listen."
Shane's brow furrows somewhat as she attempt to puzzle out what sort of decision would need to be made for medical purposes, but nods in agreement with Nicholas' statement about being willing to listen.
Taylor looks between Shane and Nicholas and then says, "Uh, no, I'm not sick. I mean. No… I mean, I have a condition called Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome or PAIS for short, which is like a genetic thing and stuff. But it's not really a sickness… it's just a thing that kind of can fuck up your life a little. Well, a lot in some cases, but mostly socially. There are some physical complications and stuff… Uh, do either of you know what that is? I mean, I doubt it, it's not really common or anything. But if you know, I'm not gonna get into it, 'cause explaining is just boring biology shit…"
Nicholas shakes his head. "No, never heard of it. Is it an allergy of some sorts?" He just figures insensitivity might mean Taylor can't process something. "But you are okay, right? You're not sick or anything?"
"…Don't really know much biology," Shane murmurs, mulling the phrase over, "but, sounds like a gender thing. … ….. …Lemme guess, you gotta figure out now, boy 'r girl, right?"
Taylor's eyes shift towards Shane and the teen shifts uncomfortably a bit, "Yea. Pretty much. Been giving myself shots since I was ten to keep from hitting puberty, because there's a mess of shit that can happen when I hit puberty, like gonadal cancer and weird body development and shit. But I can't give myself these shots forever, supposed to choose when I'm sixteen, which is now, I guess." The teen shrugs at that and then looks towards Nicholas and says, "Uh, it's like… shit, I don't talk about this often, it's not comfortable for me… but like my body isn't good at processing hormones and stuff. So I'm like… nothing. I'm not anything. People figure it's pretty easy, boy or girl, innie or outie, but hell if I know. It's just like. Fucking nothing." The teen shrugs again and says, "S'why I'm so okay with Kaylee's stuff. Who the hell am I to argue? I'm /nothing/."
Nicholas says quiet for the most part, he barely gets it let alone the fact that a minute ago he was sure this sort of thing was possible. He's not really sure what to say or even what advice to give her. "I don't know what to tell you Taylor." Is about all he can think of as his brain just tries to process everything.
"…Was gonna say, 'f it ain't gonna kill you then jus' stick like y'are," Shane says after a moment, sitting back and shaking her head. "Fffffuck." Running a hand through her hair, the blond sighs. "Sorry, Tay," she says lapsing into silence for awhile. "…But basically, no matter what, y'gotta get shots and shit anyway, right?"
"Yeah, there's a pretty high probability of cancer if I just stop the shots I'm on, and it'll mess up my body. If I stay on the shots I'm on now, pretty much my bones'll degrade and I'll get some hella bad osteoperosis young and I'll always look like I'm twelve or something," says Taylor, shrugging lightly. "But yea, no matter what I decide, it's lifelong medical treatment shit. Which is a huge hassle, but that's the way it's been since I was born, I've never known any differently…" The feline glances over towards Nicholas and says, "Uh, sorry, this is probably like major TMI and stuff… I mean, like I said, I usually keep this private because it's my burden."
"So…you're not a boy or a girl?" Nicholas asks a little late. "I didn't know that was possible." He really isn't sure what to say. "Man, I wish I could help you Taylor but I have no clue what to say. I…Shane is better with this stuff than I am." Seeing that Shane seemed to have known that it could exist.
Shane lifts a shoulder. "From Cali. Land of fruits 'n nuts, yeah? 'N then, from LA. Mebbe a couple hours from Hollywood. 'F it's weird, I grew up 'round it. 'N besides. I got three dads, total, so it ain't like I'm Miss Normal m'self. Jus' figure it's like any other kind 'o regular genetic fuckery, mostly just means you gotta bed with y'name onnit at th' nearest hospital, 'n shit that pretty much takes up half y'life y'don't wanna talk about cos it gets off-pissin' answerin th'same questions over an over."
Taylor shrugs and then says, "I'm not a boy or a girl, no, I'm nothing like I said. It's a bit freakish, I guess, I didn't really want to bring it up with you since you had such a hard time with Kaylee and all. The whole mutant thing on top of that… fuck, I think I lost the genetic lottery. For awhile, I felt like at least I was pretty, even if I was fucked up." The teen glances towards Shane and then nods, looking back towards the horizon as the sun starts to set, "And yea, it's like that, the hospital knew all about me, I was a regular, endocrinology, psychiatry, pediatricians, experts in this kinda thing, some talks with surgeons and stuff… My life kinda revolved around those people, spent so much time at the doctor's… Whatever, though. I mean, like I said, gotta video conference and discuss my options with them, but I'm guessing not many of the options are also gonna take a mutation into consideration. Long story short, though, the whole birthday thing isn't really something I was looking for
Long story short, though, the whole birthday thing isn't really something I was looking forward to, that's all…"
Nicholas does take a bit of offence to the statement about her not wanting to bring it up with him and that he had a hard time with Kaylee. "It's not I had a hard time with Kaylee, it's just…I don't get it. Shane just explained about being where she's from but I'm from Martin, North Dakota. The entire town is smaller than this school, church is a huge part of the community out there, we just didn't talk about stuff like this." He protests before shaking his head. "Nevermind, not important. I'm sorry you gotta go through such a tough thing Tay."
Shane stares at Taylor for a moment, lips pursing beneath the crimson scarf, and nods once, to herself. "Makes sense. Aight. Gimme a week. 'F I'd'a known was y'birthday, woulda started b'fore. Figure y'r a, what, size three tall? Somethin' like?"
"Ah, I mean, sorry Nick, that's what I mean by you having a hard time with it. It's not something that you understand and I get and respect that. Really, I don't like bringing it up to… well, anyone at all… I don't like making people weird about stuff. I'm just the same person as always, exactly nothing changed," says Taylor, shrugging, "And size three, yea, that's about right. I can give you my measurements if you want…"
Nicholas grabs his crutches and uses them to push himself up to a standing position. "I know you're the same person Taylor, don't worry about that. Just, I don't know how to help you at all. I wish I could. Anyway, I gotta head down to the medbay and meet with Dr. Reyes before it's too late. I'm not booking cause I'm weirded out by things just, I really do have to head down there. Hang in there Tay, okay? And I'll see you later Shane." He says before heading into the elevator to go to the basement.
"Prolly a good idea," Shane mutters. "Could eyeball it, but, rather hand you somethin' nice, 'steada half-done crap."
Taylor nods a couple of times and says, "Yea, and my measurements are kind of weird anyways… like… nonstandard ratios and stuff…" The teen licks their lips lightly and says, "Thanks Shane. And… I dunno, I don't really expect anyone to have the answers for my shit. I don't even, and I've been living it my whole life."
Shane shrugs. "Fuck, who the hell *does?* I mean sometimes people act like I'm just a dumbshit 'cos I don't got a clue how t'make friends, right? 'F I can't figure that out, I sure's shit ain't got th' magic answer f'r everything, an' 'f all's I c'n do's listen, mebbe give y'somethin' nice t'wear? S'cool, I c'n live with that."
"You seem to do alright on the friends making front. I know what it's like, though, being an outside and shit… that was me my whole life, I feel like only really my parents cared. And Tim, yea, for awhile… I guess being a mutant is more of a shock than being… nothing…" says Taylor, shrugging. "Ah well… And yea, I'm glad that you're listening. 'cause it's not something that I think most people want to listen to. Just me being fucking emotional."
Shane snorts. "You ain't nothin', Taylor. Jus' diff'rent. Like 'least half th'people here, 's all. 'Fore Jill got all vamped out, she was a blob 'a goo. Jus' 'cos she still called 'erself 'she' don't mean she coulda been diff'rent, 'f she wanted, right? Seriously, only thing that matters here is, what's gonna fuck you over least, 'n what y'c'n live with. Ain't like y'gotta bat f'r a team jus' 'cos y'r pickin' sides."
Taylor nods a couple of times and says, "Yea, I mean, that's part of the mutation, I guess. But she already had that decision made for most of her life, she was female mentally and shit. I just… don't know. I mean, I'd probably be better at the girl thing in some ways and the guy thing in others, but I just want to not have to choose. But I don't want cancer… cancer is bad… Fuck." The feline shrugs and says, "I guess most people around here just assume I'm a girl though. Would that be easier? I'd feel like a pretender either way."
"See," Shane says, shaking her head, "I ain't th' one you wanna ask, 'cos I ain't got th'least fuckin' clue. Only thing I c'n think of is, y'ain't doin' this t'pick a side 'o ya that works better. Y'r doin' it t'save y'life, an' everything else's just extra shit that goes along with. Which means pers'nally, I wouldn't give half a fuck whether it was boy 'r girl, 'cos I'm'a be spendin' th'rest of my life throwin' it th'finger every chance I got, y'know? But, that's th'only way I could get through physical therapy m'self."
Taylor nods a few times and says, "Ah, yea, the whole 'saving my life' shit is important too. I mean, I'm not for sure gonna get cancer, but it's like… really kind of likely… unfortunately…" The teen shrugs lightly and then says, "Either way, that's just surgical stuff that needs to get taken care of. The whole identity stuff, that's… well. It's all complicated. I wish it wasn't. I wish I had more time to choose, 'cause it's a big decision even if I don't want to make it."
