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Summary: Heather tries to work through her sins with Hosea.
Date: August 21, 2020.
Log Title Sins of the Past
Rating: PG (Warning: Heavy religious content)
The Future - The Underground - Mutant Base
Hidden in the maze of tunnels is the open area that the mutants have turned into their have, their home. Not wanting to risk electricity being detected down here, there are battery powered and gas powered lights leaving the place dark and damp. At least three mutants are always on guard down here at the entrance to the mutant camp and secret passwords and codes are needed to get into this room. Theres a large door with a large piece of wood barricading it as those down here dont take any chances.
Deep within the tunnels, the sound of a drip can be heard, quietly patting the floor of the mutant base. It isn't fast, but it is steady, the rain seeping in from a storm raging high above. One of the lamps has been left on tonight, and an old familiar looking African sits on an old bathroom stool, holding a tattered old book.
Hosea's dredlocks hang down around his face as he studies the book before him. He was one of the first mutant prisoners in Ahab's camps. He never complained, and was noteworthy for a rather out-of-place peace in such a miserable place, and probably even more noteworthy that he had surrendered himself when he had a greater ability to avoid capture than most. His lips move as he reads, and he takes in a deep breath, considering the text.
A temporal distortion forms itself, strange and difficult to describe the sensation thereof, and Heather appears in the tunnel across from Hosea. She says nothing for a few moments, only shifting herself about and sitting down against the wall. She is wearing her Classic Timeslip outfit, the outfit she wore between her graduation and being captured by her parents, a black and tyrian purple superhero style suit with green tinted goggles over her eyes. Her wrists are covered in five digital watches and one rollex. She stares across as Hosea and says, "What are you reading?" This is spoken through the speaker, but it is said as if already anticipating the answer.
So consumed was Hosea that he didn't jump as if he were startled, but continues to read. He had actually thought it was Connor who had arrived before he heard the voice. His dark eyes glance up, and he straightens himself. "It is God's word," he answers reverently. He had heard that Heather had been freed from Ahab's control, and gently he folds the old copy of Scripture closed, his thumb holding the place he had been reading. "It is vedy good to see you again, Heatha," he smiles. "And even bettah to see you here."
While Heather is here and in her outfit, her face still bears the marks of Ahab, something she has not been able to get rid of. She flips her goggles up onto her forehead and answers, "I worry about God. I worry sometimes that I never want to meet her." The timeshifter crosses her legs and seems to contemplate for a moment, her twitchiness subsiding a bit as she shifts her speedshift down to what it was when she was young. "It is good to see you too, though, Hosea."
Hosea arches his brow. "Well, dat is a good worry to have," Hosea admits. He softly rubs the old worn cover of the Bible, feeling each scar that it bears. "Well, maybe. It depends on why you are worrying." He leans forward, brushing back his long dreadlocks so that they hang behind him instead of in front of him.
"I will come up short, I will not have solved every quandry and I will not have fulfilled my purpose." She removes her goggles completely and seems to test their weight in her hands. "I have sinned, I have been cruel and uncaring. Manipulative, diabolical, and submitted to an evil man." She pulls her legs a bit closer to herself, looking forward to Hosea, "But I worry the most is that I could not repent. In the same situation, I would have done everything exactly the same."
Hosea is quiet for a moment, not responding too quickly. He studies Heather's face, her concern all too familiar to him, even twelve years after he was in the same position. "Dah problem of evil," he says. "God hates sin. He is perfect, and will not tolerate evil. No powah can stand to judgment." Not the most encouraging response perhaps, but Hosea is concerned first with truth.
"Your fear is real, but you have a blessing in your sin. It has been so clearly put forth dat you can see it, and cannot hide from it. Many people go through dere lives trying to convince demselves dat they are really good people. But dere is no one dat is good." He pauses, allowing that to be digested before he continues.
"But is that any better? I know that I have done terrible things, but I know that I would not have done anything but those terrible things even with the knowledge I have now," says Heather, feeling the texture of her old goggles, "Sometimes I know. I know how much I will regret something terrible, and I do it. When I was under Ahab, I knew I could disobey, but I never would. And even before that, I knew I would feel that way. And yet… I was captured. I let myself be captured."
She shifts slightly, contemplatively. "I know I am not good, and when I meet with God… She will know everything about me. She will know that despite my regrets, I have no regrets."
Hosea makes a slow nod. "You see someting true. You cannot have regret," he says. "You still desire dat which is evil. So you do not regret your evil, because it is what you desire."
The African lifts his right hand, removing it from the saved place in the Bible. "You need a new desire if you are to regret, and if you are to find a new life. You may have been a slave to Ahab, but you were a slave to sin long before dat time. Just as I was."
No one from the school ever knew Hosea during that time, but he kept no secret of his dark past. He was a child soldier in Africa, and slaughtered many innocent people at his master's whim himself. He more than most can relate.
"The things I did under Ahab… I regret them less than the things I did before that. I am willing to destroy lives just for some goal, and now that I have achieved it, I feel empty… But it was important, and it's important for everyone here. Someone had to be the devil who allows others to shine with good," says Heather, putting her goggles on back over her forehead. It's clear that she's not really used to them, even though they used to be her favorite piece of her outfit. "I wanted to give hope. I've seen different worlds than this one, and I knew that the track we were on was disaster. I wanted to give others a life."
"Many believe dat to see light dere must also be darkness," Hosea says, echoing what he understands from Heather's statement. "But dat is not so. A blinding light is still blinding if it causes a shadow or not." He drags his hand across his stubbly face. "Dah devil is able enough to play dah devil, I think. He does not need help. Now who will help you?" He lets the question hang, it is not rhetorical.
"It's probably difficult to fully understand what I'm saying… I do not think I must play devil, but sometimes, to draw out good that might have been hiding, I will. And help give them confidence," says Heather, sighing softly. She crosses her arms and crosses her legs. "I think I know what you will suggest. But she will not help me, she does not interfere directly. She knows everything I could possibly know, and not interfering directly seems to be the lesson. But sometimes… I have to. Do you understand? I'm not sure."
"Hosea smiles, "But maybe dat is the lesson that you must learn, yes? To resist dah urge to act on your own strength. To say to me dat God does not interfere is true, but I understand it differently." He laughs to himself. "For God moves in all tings. It is not interference, it is God's plan. People may act for good, or for evil, but God will have his way, for He is God." He maintains the contrasting pronoun, but doesn't bother to go into a debate on that subject. It is for another conversation.
His voice raises with a degree of excitement as he continues. "To say to me dat God does not act in dis world is like saying to me dat air does not exist. I breathe it every day, and I have seen many tings God has done. But had you seen what I seen, you would still not believe. For you have seen dah same tings I have seen, but if someone was to raise from dah dead before you, you would still not see. He acts around you now, but you lack sight," he says, pointing his two fingers at his own eyes. "But do not worry. God can give you sight, he gave me sight."
"I think she acts through indirect causality that I do not yet understand. And perhaps there will be a time when I can begin to," says Heather, rubbing her forehead. "I am not saying that God does not act, but the causality effects she brings around are more subtle than some might lead me to believe. The universe was originated from thought, and from thought, all causality was intentionally created." She slumps a little bit and says, "I think I have sight, I just don't have the strength. And she knows it."
"Naturally," Hosea agrees. "God knows all things. God intended you not to have the strength, because it is through our weakness that his power is shown. No one is strong. Look at me," he says be example, placing his hand on his chest I spent dah last five years in a terrible prison, and saw many people die. My heart was broken every day. But I stayed. I saw many people escape, I helped dem to escape even, but God would not permit me to leave, though I longed to do so. I do not have dah strength for dat. But God gave me dah strength. I did not just flex my muscles and say 'I will be strong'. If I say dat? Den I would fail, but I pray, and I say to God, 'Use me, but I am weak, you are strong, and you can do all tings.'" He beats his breast as he speaks. "God is saying to you, Trust me, I will be your strength."
"Hosea, you are stronger than I am. But I have taken things as signs, and tried to interpret her intentions for me. I have read into it, I have read her many writings." She gestures towards the book that Hosea holds, "Messages in these kinds of texts, messages in nature, messages in my own thought and memory." Heather stands and says, "I know that through these guidances, I cannot and I will not fail. And yet, somehow, I feel like a failure despite thinking I did everything right." She puts the goggles on over her eyes, "I will leave you to your scripture. I will see you in another moment, Hosea."
Hosea nods. "Before you go," he says, "I would leave you with this to think about. What is the measure of success?" He places his hands on the sides of his Bible. "I used to think that success was measured by the outcome. But maybe success is not measured by what happens, but by our faithfulness."
A small nod if offered to Hosea before Heather says, "In all things, if nothing else, I am driven to find her purpose for me." The time traveller frowns slightly and raises her hand in farewell before almost vanishing down the tunnels at super speed.
