Players:
Summary: Mason and Rashmi mourn Giea's death.
Date: Tuesday, June 28, 2011. 4:44pm
Log Title: With Red Eyes
Rating: PG
Xavier Mansion - Boathouse on the Dock
A wooden dock stretches fifteen feet out into the water. Students can fish from the dock, or dive off if they like. A few rowboats, canoes, and paddle boats are tied to the docks for the students to use. A boat house where students can find paddles and life jackets sits at the edge of the water.
The partly cloudy noon sky drifts lazily over the lake. Since school is out, most of the students are gone. Mason can go home any time he likes, but he's wanted to be alone lately. He sits in a pair of running shorts and a plain white tee shirt on the dock, his legs crossed in front of him. Not his usual stylish self, and his hair isn't even styled. A guitar sits in his lap, and he plucks a rather sad melody. It's not his usual complex and brilliant style. A single note at a time as he looks out over the waters of the lake.
All attempts have failed
All my heads are tails
Nightmares haunt my days
Visions blur my nights
I'm losing ground but gaining speed I've lost myself or most of me I'm headed for the final precipice…
But you haven't lost me yet. You haven't lost me yet. I'll sing until my heart, caves, in…
The last line begs for a return to the line that he hasn't been lost yet, but it isn't sung. Instead the melody stops, and the echo of the last string goes unsilenced.
"That's pretty," Rashmi says, softly, from the other end of the pier. Her trip over after hearing the news about Giea, an interesting one… No sense bothering the other passengers by bursting into tears, after all, and the back of her mind marveled at how stunningly little people could actually know about someone else, without taking the time to learn. But, now she's at the school… a place for tragedy and triumph, old crises overlaid by the new, and somewhere in the middle a way to survive.
Taking a deep breath, she makes her way down to the end of the pier, lowering herself to sit at the edge, next to the pop star. "…I'm sorry, Mason."
Mason nods, not looking over at Rashmi. He's not currently crying, but his eyes are red to show that he has been. He continues to look out over the waters. "I told her to run," he says. "I thought she'd be safer. I should've run with her. I should've tackled that guy with the gun. I was right there." Right there and he still failed to protect someone he cared about when the moment of truth came.
Rashmi leans against Mason's arm, shaking her head. "You did what you thought was right," she whispers. "The news said it was a ricochet, Mason… There was no way you could have known what happened." Closing her eyes, she lets out a slow, shuddery sigh. "…But it's not going to matter, for a while… I know. I'm sorry, Mason… I just… I'm *so sorry.*"
Mason shakes his head. "Yeah, because she's still dead. Everything was fine, and they just came out of nowhere. She didn't do anything to them, why couldn't they just leave us alone?" he asks. "I mean, if you knew her, she was the sweetest girl you could ever meet. She never had a mean thing to say about anyone."
"I knew her, a little," Rashmi says after a moment. "We met a few times… I really *did* like her, a lot. She was just so… interested, y'know? About everything. Every*one.* She just wanted to make the world a better place…" Squeezing her eyes shut, she sniffles, tears falling down her cheeks.
Mason pulls the guitar off of his shoulder, and puts it down next to him before reaching over to pull Rashmi into a hug, his own tears starting up again. "I thought I'd be with her forever," he says. "Or at least until we were old."
Rashmi wraps her arms around Mason's shoulders, squeezing tightly. "…I don't think she'd've ever gotten old," she says after a moment. "Just, y'know… cranky. She never seemed like the kind of person who'd let something silly like age keep her from moving around, y'know…?"
Mason tries to laugh. "Yeah, I guess she wouldn't," he says. He doesn't seem ready to let go of the hug. "I keep hoping I'll wake up and find out it was all a bad dream. But I know I'm awake, and I'll never get to see her smile again."
"But you *made* her smile," Rashmi says, apparently content to keep the hug as long as Mason needs it. "That's important, Mason… You did. You cared about her. And that means a lot more than people think." Shaking her head, slowly, she squeezes again. "It's not your fault, Mason. You didn't do anything wrong, okay…?"
"Not anymore," the pop star answers. I don't think I'll ever want to smile again." A tear rolls down Mason's cheek and lands on Rashmi's shoulder. "You know if I fell in this water, I'd just sink." A rather dark sounding follow up comment.
Rashmi's eyes snap open, gaze lifting to the face of the young terrakinetic. "…Probably," she says quietly, "…But is that really what she'd want, Mason…?"
"What does it even matter?" Mason answers. "She's dead. She's not coming back." He punches the pier with his hand. "Nothing is going to bring her back."
"No," Rashmi says getly, unfazed by the considerable impact even as the pier shivers briefly beneath her. "Nothing will. But she's… she's dead, Mason… she's not gone. Maybe it sounds silly, but… I think just getting the *chance* to know her was like a gift. …And I don't want to feel like I wasted that gift."
Mason sighs, and doesn't answer, he instead just pulls himself close to Rashmi again. "I just want her back," he says, resting his cheek against hers. "I feel like part of me has died with her."
"I know," Rashmi says, hugging the teen tightly. "I do too… I just…" Trailing off, she sighs heavily, giving Mason a second squeeze. "…It won't hurt like this forever."
Mason gives Rashmi a kiss on the cheek, which seems innocent enough until he puts another on her jawline. "I don't think I want it to stop hurting, though. I feel like I'd be betraying her."
Rashmi tilts her head away, raising a hand to press a finger over his mouth. "Mason," she says gently, eyebrow rising. "…This isn't the best way to make it stop hurting, either. Everything else aside… I do have a boyfriend, and I rather like him, y'know…?"
Mason doesn't apologize, but he stops. He pulls away, and curls his legs up to his chest, hugging them. "I just…I don't know what to do," he says. "I'm glad you got to know her."
"I am too," Rashmi says quietly, leaning over to wrap her arms around Mason's shoulders. "As for what you do… You knew her better than I did… What do *you* think she would have wanted you to do?"
Mason is quiet, seeming without an answer to Rashmi's question. "She…" He knits his brow, looking out on the water. "She'd want…" the popstar seems lost. "I don't know. She always just seemed content. How can I not know? I'm such a jerk! I should know! I should've spent less time talking and more time listening. She deserved better than me."
Rashmi shakes her head slowly. "You're young and in love, Mason… It's okay if you can't think of it right away. And… hey. Hey. Whatever you think she deserved, Mason… She wanted you. You made her happy. That's good, y'know?"
"She had lousy taste in men." Mason shakes his head. "I just want to go back in time a week, and do it over. I know I couldn't have known what was going to happen, but now I know, and I just want to go back and fix it. It's not right. First Shane, and now Giea."
Rashmi blinks, her brows furrowing. "….Shane? Um… who's Shane?"
Mason's eyes darken a little, the pry seems to carry a whole can of worms by itself. "The other person I couldn't protect. The person I wouldn't protect. Who I needed to protect. Now she's been captured by an evil telepath. A telepath that I could beat. If I had cared, Shane wouldn't be in this situation, either." He lets go of his legs, and lets them flop down, heels hanging over the lip of the pier. "You always see the bright side, Rashmi. You think everything is nice and happy, but the world isn't as happy as you think it is."
Rashmi's lips thin together, eyebrows drawing down. "….Mason. Don't get me wrong, okay? I like you a lot, and I understand just how much you're hurting. So I'm not angry at you, but don't *ever* think that just because I try my hardest to see the best in people, means I'm stupid. I know what the world is like. I *know* how horrible people can be. Okay? I know. And the only reason I keep thinking the way I do is because there's no other way to change that." Letting out a slow breath, she shakes her head. "And it was a hard lesson to learn. Y'know what else is hard? Accepting that you can't protect everyone… I know that telepath you're talking about, Mason… One of my friends is gone, too… And Connor might be *dead* for all I know. And it hurts like *hell,* but I *have* to accept it, and I *have* to know that it'll turn out even a little okay in the end."
"How do you know?" Mason challenges the hindi girl. "Tell me, please! Because this isn't the movies. Because all the evidence tells me that all of life can only end in tears." He pulls his feet back under him and stands up. "Blind faith hasn't been working for me as of late. There's too much that I can see now."
Rashmi pulls herself up to her feet, pausing to brush down her skirts, then straightening, looking Mason in the eye. "My first month here, Mason… Demons. Literally Hell in New York. My boyfriend was conned into joining their side. I spent three nights in a cage over an actual lake of fire. A few months after that. Mr. Sinister. Robyn's boyfriend, and a bunch of other people, taken. Sort of like now, only a little worse. He *changed* them, Mason… changed them in ways that most of them never got over. After that? Some nutcase from the future started nabbing people. And apparently he was specifically after me. After that? Nigeria. And after that, well, you were there for that one, the shootings. And then the cop problem. And then Kick. And now, this. And no matter how horrible it was each time, *every time something happened it turned out okay.* That's not faith, Mason, it's pattern recognition. Faith just helps me remember that."
Mason shakes his head, staring Rashmi back in the eye. "Maybe it turned out all right for you, but what about the ones killed in the park? Tell their parents that it all turned out all right. What about the students you talk about that never got over this Mr. Sinister? Tell them it all turned out all right. I've heard stories about things that happen in Africa, thousands of people murdered. Tell them it's all right. Tell it to Shane, who still lives in a state of depression after Kick has long left her system, and is now kidnapped, and her life just keeps going from bad to worse. Tell her that it's all right. Not everybody is as lucky as you. So where's your faith for those of us who don't have such a pleasant 'pattern recognition' to look at?"
Rashmi draws in a deep breath, eyes narrowing into thin slits. "Mason," she says, forcing her voice quiet and steady. "I understand where you're coming from. I'll even give you that I've been stupidly lucky. In *most* cases. But not Africa. So do us both a favor, and don't talk about that until you've heard the story. *Period.*" She opens her mouth to continue, but pauses, shaking her head. "Look. What I'm *trying* to say is, it *will* get better. Not easily. Not quickly. And the people we care about are probably going to be hurting for a long time. But we *can* help with that, Mason. We can be there and we can care and we can help them heal."
"I hope you turn out to be lucky enough to be right," Mason offers. "But for me, I don't know, I don't feel like I'll ever be able to really help people. I just sing songs that I don't really understand."
Rashmi frowns, staring at Mason for a moment. "…Mason. You're a songwriter. Write songs. Tell people how much Giea meant to you. Tell them what it feels like. Tell everyone. She loved you, I'm pretty sure she'd see that a good way for you to work through all this. You don't *have* to come out as a mutant to do good with your music. Write from your *heart,* Mason, cracked and bleeding and broken as it is. It's your *gift.*"
"Then I guess I'll write," Mason answers. "I'll sing until my heart caves in," a return to the lyrics he was singing when she arrived." He picks the guitar up with a slightly more solid level of energy, gripping it by the neck. "I just wish she'd be able to hear them."
Rashmi steps closer, one hand rising to press against Mason's chest. "She can, Mason," she whispers, closing her eyes. "I know she can. The part of her that's right here does. That's the part you'll be singing to… And I truly believe she'll hear it, wherever she is. There's just too much beyond our ability to grasp, to think that she can't be there, somewhere, listening and loving and missing you."
Mason hugs Rashmi with his free hand, his lower lip growing weak as he tries to answer, and chooses instead not to say anything. Instead, he just nods his head, taking a deep breath to steady himself.
Rashmi returns the hug, squeezing tightly, then releasing. "She was a wonderful person, Mason… I wish I knew her as well as you… Tell me when the funeral is, okay? I'd… like to go say goodbye, if it's all right."
"I'll make sure to do that," Mason answers. "It will be a beautiful funeral, I'm sure."
Rashmi sighs, squeezing Mason's shoulder. "I'm sure it will… I just… wish it didn't have to be. You did what you could have, Mason… don't beat yourself up for her dying, okay? I know it's hard to believe, but sooner or later you'll understand it's not your fault."
"Thanks," Mason says. "Thank you," he repeats the sentiment. "I think I gotta go get ready to put on a concert in a few hours," he says. Whether it is real or he is just trying to get by himself, it's hard to say, but he seems genuine enough. "I'll make certain to let you know about the funeral."
Rashmi nods slowly, managing a small smile. "All right… I'm probably going to be here awhile, until all this blows over. Let me know if you need to talk, okay?"
"Yeah, I will," Mason answers, though without a smile in return. He lets go of Rashmi, and puts his free hand into his pocket, then hoists the guitar over his shoulder before heading back to the mansion.
Rashmi stands on the docks, watching Mason make his way back to the Mansion. Letting out a small, shuddery breath, she tilts her head back, eyes searching the skies. "…Take care of her," she whispers, a tear falling down her cheek. "She doesn't deserve anything less."
